11:23pm.

i’m finally home and i just started boiling water for noodles to settle the feeling of my stomach eating itself. my feet are sore, my mind is tired, and the idea of waking up to begin yet again another ordinary day is almost too monotonous for me to handle.

but i tell myself to not live from one event to the other, but to live each moment — each day — and savor what it has to give me. i tell myself to give thanks without ceasing and to see His work in each boring just-like-the-last-one day that i might have. and to not be in such a rush for the next best thing.

sunday night i left the sounds of the house (although they were lovely sounds of a guitar & ukulele and singing and laughter) and sat in the middle of our back yard. the dew covered grass soaked through my jeans but i didn’t mind. the fireflies danced about me and i gazed at the moon just wanting to be. i didn’t want to talk, i didn’t want to think, i just wanted peace.

the tears came soon and they weren’t really surprising. i told Him that i was bored, i told Him that i was done being patient, i told Him i was done trusting that there really is a next step to my life, but there was no answer that my life would radically change the second i got up. no, just the gentle reminder that His timing is better — that His ways are higher and the way to go.

right now i don’t see an end in sight to this season. i don’t have the next step mapped out, but i also know that the Israelites didn’t always have the Promised Land in their line of vision, but they continued on in faith and right now faithfulness is what i’m being called to.

i must be faithful with what His given me. i must be faithful where i’m at. and i must be faithful in my trust in Him and His plan for my future.