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  1. i got my answer

    July 20, 2011 by louissa

    last night’s meltdown?  i know you’re all wondering what it was about.  the whole time i told myself i was being completely silly — who gets so upset simply because they have not yet found a reception venue?  apparently i do.  two weeks of looking and i felt defeated.  so i called crying.

    the words he spoke were what i needed: “this isn’t God.  He’s taken care of everything so far and He’s gonna take care of this.”  at first i thought, really?  my reception?!  please — let’s be realistic.  my reception is my responsibility.

    what faith and trust is in this heart.

    this morning came and my heart was still heavy.

    sometimes you feel downright foolish for praying some prayers.  but i asked.  asked for the venue i wanted to be available.  yeah, i needed to finalize the plans for my wedding day, but more so, my heart needed to know if He really does take note of all the concerns in our hearts.  you could remind me that my life has already proven His goodness and His knowledge of every single hidden prayer ever thought simply through these last few months, but somehow my heart wasn’t so confident this morning.

    an hour and a half later the phone rang, my hopeless voice answered, and suddenly i was receiving the answer to that prayer.  i had what i wanted for a reception.  i had my barn.

    a few minutes later this is what i found in my news feed.

    it’s true.  He does care.  more than i ever think.

    so… i’m looking for bridesmaid dresses.  want to help me, God?

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  2. welcome to reality

    July 19, 2011 by louissa

    i dialed his number with red puffy eyes and a slight “hiccupy” rhythm to my breathing.

    that’s right, my future husband received a phone call this early evening that started with, “i’m a mess.”  i wasn’t a pretty picture — trying to get those three words out in a rather high and squeaky voice with tears and snot running down my face while the neighborhood probably watched and wondered why on earth i was wandering around town in such hysterics.

    cue the thought: welcome to the reality of what the rest of your lifetime has become, josiah tabolt.

    if you’re like anybody else you’re thinking, “gee louissa, you should’ve called somebody else.  way to scare the guy after only three and a half months into knowing him.”  and you’re right, maybe i could have totally freaked him out.  but the best part?  he seemed completely unfazed by the blubbering fool he put a ring on and knew how to handle the emotionally undone louissa quite well.  as someone said tonight, “you sure do know how to pick ‘em!”  that’s right, i do.

    and i picked the best.

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  3. best

    July 14, 2011 by louissa

    somebody pinch me so i know this is real.  a wedding dress was purchased today.  MY wedding dress.  a beautiful dress for a ridiculously good price.

    and now i sit with freshly painted toenails (it’s the little things in life, okay?) browsing online for chandeliers and pendants.  wait — what happened?  didn’t i used to make fun of women who only had house projects to keep conversation going with, and here i am writing about the one i’m suddenly a major decision-maker of?  things i once scoffed at… suddenly i’m in love with.

    so, moral of the story?  don’t make fun of anything.  you simply don’t understand until you’re there yourself, so use some self-control for the time being and keep your mouth shut.

    anyway.

    while i browse the littlest sister sings along to her country songs while making her amazing granola (don’t be jealous but it’s the best and i get to eat it every morning.  booya.).  have i mentioned how my heart is already starting to miss things?  i look at this worn out floor, this long-legged girl who is simply the dearest, and my heart tells me that things are going to change drastically. and change soon.

    and that’s when my phone goes off.  a text from the loved boy who tells me he’s been working on the house tonight, readying it for me to come in a few months.  i think about his cheery morning texts letting me know how much i’m loved every single day.  i think about the flowers decorating the kitchen table (has anyone kept track of how many flowers i’ve received in these short three months?!).  i think about what i told a best a few months ago (which turned into one of the many reasons i said “yes”) — “i see and understand God’s heart and love towards me more than ever before through the way he [josiah] treats me.”

    and you better believe that i’m going to miss things and people, and that i’m a tiny bit sad at the idea of saying goodbye to my office of [almost] four years, but mostly i’m excited.  and you would be too.  i’m going to be adventuring through life with the best, best, best.

    don’t you wish you were coming along?

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  4. a HOUSE into a home

    July 12, 2011 by louissa

    tonight i had a grand revelation: not only am i planning a wedding but there’s also an entire house that i’ll be making into a home.  has there ever been a more overwhelmingly exciting thought?  i’m almost more happy about that than trying to put together the day of my dreams.  but wow, where do you even start?

    well, i guess with this:

    donations of hand-me-down furniture, rugs, curtains — whatever — will be most appreciated.

    just joking.  that’s what a registry is for.  but seriously — we all know that everyone gets a couch at their bridal shower, right?

    right.

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  5. a complete beauty

    July 7, 2011 by louissa

    did i mention the exquisite gift i received in the midst of all this?  my josiah boy gave me a beauty that i’ll wear for the rest of my days.

    i’m the most loved girl.

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  6. i want you to know

    July 6, 2011 by louissa

    once upon a time i drove down to the Great Big Apple with my very favorite person in the world.

    and my two other favorites, daddy & mumsie.

    we stood on jersey’s shore and looked at the most magnificent skyline.

    we attended church with a boy we love so much, lunched with many friends old and new, and spent our afternoon shopping.

    i was told we were going on a dinner boat cruise in the evening and i was simply excited for an out-of-the-ordinary event with favorites.

    there was a jazz trio and all sorts of strange seafood.

    and there were such beautiful things to see on that wonderful boat.

    but the best part?  my “out-of-the-ordinary evening” didn’t just stop with laughing and talking and enjoying the wonderful view.  no, there was a much better thing in store for this girl on top of that boat with jazz music playing and strings of lights keeping us company.

    that’s where i found love.  that’s where, with a one word answer, i turned my life upside down.  and that’s where i experienced such happiness that i thought my heart would burst.

    i’m going to get married.  i’m going to move away from everything i’ve known for the last 23 years.  my life is forever going to change.  you know this already.  but do you know how excited i am?  how incredibly happy i am?  how wonderfully in love i am?

    i just want you to know.

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  7. him & her.

    July 5, 2011 by louissa

    sunday afternoon lunch in the city pre-proposal.

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  8. best thing

    July 4, 2011 by louissa

    sometimes the very best things in life come as a complete surprise, when you least expect them, when you’re not even looking for them.  that happened to me three months ago exactly.  it’s when i first read an email from a boy who i had never met but somehow recognized his last name.  he told me i was beautiful and he wanted to get to know me better.

    i laughed outwardly and liked him inwardly instantly.

    three months of emails, phone calls, visits, dreaming on my part, and meeting with my papa on his part, and we are here today.  tonight.

    he told me i’m still beautiful.  and that he wants to spend his days with me forever and always.  and a ring was pulled out.  and i answered “yes”.

    and there is so much more and you probably want pictures but it’s late and i’m needing some sleep so i can enjoy the rest of this family vacation.  but i couldn’t wait for more time or to get photos — i had to tell right away.

    i’m just that happy.

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  9. vacation here we come!

    July 2, 2011 by louissa

    IT’S HERE! IT’S HERE!  well, it’s almost here.  tomorrow starts my annual family vacation (and wow i had hair back then.  remind me why i chopped it off?).  i left my office today and knew that i wouldn’t be back to the”real world” for 9 whole days.  the feeling you get when realizing that is… incredible.

    and going on family vacation = happiness?  you betcha.  it’s really the only option when you have 25 adults and kids crammed into one 4 bedroom, 2 full baths sort of house, right?  miserable doesn’t make for a pleasant experience so we’re stuck with being happy.  and that’s just fine by me.

    and it’s a holiday.  i do love holidays.  well, any sort of reason to celebrate.  maybe i’ll get some sparklers.  that’s a real way to say Happy 4th of July!

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  10. one of those mondays

    June 27, 2011 by louissa

    i had several fails today.  i tell myself these things happen to keep me humble… or something like that.  i’m hoping for some good quality to come that would make all these sorts of moments somehow worthwhile.

    if you follow me on twitter or we’re friends on facebook then you already know the first — i learned the hard way that a certain favorite place of mine doesn’t accept returns on sale items.  i somehow missed the sentence in bold stating that.

    bummer.

    now i’m stuck with two of the same dresses in different colors.

    after a rather strangely long workday i arrived home to my first letter from the IRS.  ohboy.  i didn’t quite understand what they were saying at first and then suddenly my heart skipped a beat.  my quarterly taxes?  they weren’t due until july, right?  WRONG.  yup, my taxes are late.

    bummer again.

    after all this i decided that a nice leisurely stroll was in order to enjoy this fine summer evening in an attempt to loosen my somewhat tense shoulders from all this silly nonsense, which really is not a big enough deal to cause tense shoulders, but somehow has.  nobody told me that the flies are horrendous at 8pm this time of year.  and nobody told me that they go insanely crazy when in contact with Redken products.  i spent the entire 30 minutes swatting at flies buzzing into my head every few minutes which probably amused every single bored neighbor sitting in their living room just waiting for something to entertain.

    summer evening stroll that was supposed to be relaxing? not so much.

    big bummer.

    the good news is that there’s not that much time before i’ll succumb to sleep.  at least that doesn’t generally result in a fail.

    this is good news.

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