it’s a tea and chocolates sort of night.
it’s a sit in a sweater and slippers and read sort of night.
it’s a fall asleep very early sort of night.
it’s the kind of night i like so very much.
recently
yesterday morning, as we sat in our circle to start our week with prayer and planning, i told the three over me when my final day will be as an Office Girl working in this office. it became final and real to me as i spoke the words, looked at a calendar, and let how quickly it’s all ending start to sink into my every part.
i’ll have just passed the 4 year mark when i remove all my personal items, hand in my keys, and say goodbye to my space.
strange? yes. exciting? yes. but mostly very strange.
(pardon my leaning-more-towards-melancholy soul for a moment as i take a deep breath)
okay. i’m good.
i’ve been walking to the office every morning and feel a bit like i’m reverting back to the first year of work. steps were taken to get to that brick building even in snowy, cold days. there’s really nothing like bundling up, anticipating the instant ache in your back when you first step out in a january morning.
BUT
this time it’s summery temperatures that welcome flowy skirts, sandals, and no need for a sweater even. and i get to walk past my very favorite flower. or did. it’s a bit past its prime at this present moment.
i’m currently trying to amp myself up for a 14 hour drive tomorrow. actually, it’s not the drive that i have to amp myself up for — it’s the 6:45am departure. wowzers. somebody make sure that i don’t sleep through my alarm like i’m so prone to do?
thanks.
i threw my skinny jeans and the few trendiest tops i could find in my wardrobe into a bag with some toiletries and i’ll be off to play at a youth conference in michigan. totally normal, right? right.
there is the same question running through my head every single day. and that is this: how do people live their lives and plan a wedding? i’m ready to give up on one of them and i’m leaning towards my life.
i’m gettin’ married
yes, dear world of readers, it’s been decided. and since i know you’ve all been wondering i thought i would quickly tell you a bit of delightful information.
in 82 days i’ll be living a magical dream.
that’s right, on october 15, 2011 i’ll be married. a mrs. forever living life beside another.
and i am so ridiculously and insanely happy.
has anyone reminded you recently that God is extravagant with His gifts? He is.
i know this and am here to tell.
i got my answer
last night’s meltdown? i know you’re all wondering what it was about. the whole time i told myself i was being completely silly — who gets so upset simply because they have not yet found a reception venue? apparently i do. two weeks of looking and i felt defeated. so i called crying.
the words he spoke were what i needed: “this isn’t God. He’s taken care of everything so far and He’s gonna take care of this.” at first i thought, really? my reception?! please — let’s be realistic. my reception is my responsibility.
what faith and trust is in this heart.
this morning came and my heart was still heavy.
sometimes you feel downright foolish for praying some prayers. but i asked. asked for the venue i wanted to be available. yeah, i needed to finalize the plans for my wedding day, but more so, my heart needed to know if He really does take note of all the concerns in our hearts. you could remind me that my life has already proven His goodness and His knowledge of every single hidden prayer ever thought simply through these last few months, but somehow my heart wasn’t so confident this morning.
an hour and a half later the phone rang, my hopeless voice answered, and suddenly i was receiving the answer to that prayer. i had what i wanted for a reception. i had my barn.
a few minutes later this is what i found in my news feed.
it’s true. He does care. more than i ever think.
so… i’m looking for bridesmaid dresses. want to help me, God?
welcome to reality
i dialed his number with red puffy eyes and a slight “hiccupy” rhythm to my breathing.
that’s right, my future husband received a phone call this early evening that started with, “i’m a mess.” i wasn’t a pretty picture — trying to get those three words out in a rather high and squeaky voice with tears and snot running down my face while the neighborhood probably watched and wondered why on earth i was wandering around town in such hysterics.
cue the thought: welcome to the reality of what the rest of your lifetime has become, josiah tabolt.
if you’re like anybody else you’re thinking, “gee louissa, you should’ve called somebody else. way to scare the guy after only three and a half months into knowing him.” and you’re right, maybe i could have totally freaked him out. but the best part? he seemed completely unfazed by the blubbering fool he put a ring on and knew how to handle the emotionally undone louissa quite well. as someone said tonight, “you sure do know how to pick ‘em!” that’s right, i do.
and i picked the best.
best
somebody pinch me so i know this is real. a wedding dress was purchased today. MY wedding dress. a beautiful dress for a ridiculously good price.
and now i sit with freshly painted toenails (it’s the little things in life, okay?) browsing online for chandeliers and pendants. wait — what happened? didn’t i used to make fun of women who only had house projects to keep conversation going with, and here i am writing about the one i’m suddenly a major decision-maker of? things i once scoffed at… suddenly i’m in love with.
so, moral of the story? don’t make fun of anything. you simply don’t understand until you’re there yourself, so use some self-control for the time being and keep your mouth shut.
anyway.
while i browse the littlest sister sings along to her country songs while making her amazing granola (don’t be jealous but it’s the best and i get to eat it every morning. booya.). have i mentioned how my heart is already starting to miss things? i look at this worn out floor, this long-legged girl who is simply the dearest, and my heart tells me that things are going to change drastically. and change soon.
and that’s when my phone goes off. a text from the loved boy who tells me he’s been working on the house tonight, readying it for me to come in a few months. i think about his cheery morning texts letting me know how much i’m loved every single day. i think about the flowers decorating the kitchen table (has anyone kept track of how many flowers i’ve received in these short three months?!). i think about what i told a best a few months ago (which turned into one of the many reasons i said “yes”) — “i see and understand God’s heart and love towards me more than ever before through the way he [josiah] treats me.”
and you better believe that i’m going to miss things and people, and that i’m a tiny bit sad at the idea of saying goodbye to my office of [almost] four years, but mostly i’m excited. and you would be too. i’m going to be adventuring through life with the best, best, best.
don’t you wish you were coming along?
a HOUSE into a home
tonight i had a grand revelation: not only am i planning a wedding but there’s also an entire house that i’ll be making into a home. has there ever been a more overwhelmingly exciting thought? i’m almost more happy about that than trying to put together the day of my dreams. but wow, where do you even start?
well, i guess with this:
donations of hand-me-down furniture, rugs, curtains — whatever — will be most appreciated.
just joking. that’s what a registry is for. but seriously — we all know that everyone gets a couch at their bridal shower, right?
right.
a complete beauty
did i mention the exquisite gift i received in the midst of all this? my josiah boy gave me a beauty that i’ll wear for the rest of my days.
i’m the most loved girl.
i want you to know
once upon a time i drove down to the Great Big Apple with my very favorite person in the world.
and my two other favorites, daddy & mumsie.
we stood on jersey’s shore and looked at the most magnificent skyline.
we attended church with a boy we love so much, lunched with many friends old and new, and spent our afternoon shopping.
i was told we were going on a dinner boat cruise in the evening and i was simply excited for an out-of-the-ordinary event with favorites.
there was a jazz trio and all sorts of strange seafood.
and there were such beautiful things to see on that wonderful boat.
but the best part? my “out-of-the-ordinary evening” didn’t just stop with laughing and talking and enjoying the wonderful view. no, there was a much better thing in store for this girl on top of that boat with jazz music playing and strings of lights keeping us company.
that’s where i found love. that’s where, with a one word answer, i turned my life upside down. and that’s where i experienced such happiness that i thought my heart would burst.
i’m going to get married. i’m going to move away from everything i’ve known for the last 23 years. my life is forever going to change. you know this already. but do you know how excited i am? how incredibly happy i am? how wonderfully in love i am?
i just want you to know.
