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‘family’ Category

  1. resting

    June 3, 2013 by louissa

    We laid in bed, both on our sides facing our small boy who sleeps only a few feet away from us. Baby laid peacefully on his tummy (His preferred method for sleep since day #1 which made me highly nervous for the first few weeks so he spent most nights on my chest which resulted in an even more sleep deprived new mommy which probably wasn’t my smartest move but a sweet one.).

    “I just love him,” The Husband whispered. I nodded in agreement, understanding all the meaning behind those few words.

    I knew I would love him. I knew it would be deep and fierce. I knew that he wouldn’t do anything to earn my love yet it would instantly be present, filling every bit of my heart. I knew all that before they laid a wet, screaming babe on my chest.

    But I didn’t know. Didn’t know the real depth that I would feel. Didn’t know that the overwhelming power of this love would be the sort to take my breath away at times. I didn’t know all that until I held my baby in my arms, kissed his face, smelled his scent, and knew him.

    This morning I rest in knowing there’s a Love like that for me. But not simply like that, but far better. A Love that’s deeper and truer and greater and stronger. This Love that’s for me and for you, born sinners, comes from a Heart that knows only perfection.

    My imperfect heart wonders how that’s possible. But it is.

    And today I’m so grateful that just as my son doesn’t need to do a thing in order for me to shower him with my love, I don’t have to do anything to receive this amazing Love. It’s simply there for me to rest in.

    And this my heart knows: while I sleep there is One watching me and His love always abounding toward me.

    That is everything wonderful.


  2. the start

    May 14, 2012 by louissa

    Hi. My name is Louissa. I have a paunch of a stomach that some may think is bigger than it should be already. I have some serious love handles taking over my lower back. The number on the scale is starting to go up week after week. One out of every three meals seems to find it’s way back up out of my stomach. I live feeling a bit nauseous most of the time. And I’m exhausted. All the time exhausted.

    And I couldn’t care less about all that. Oh, none of it is fun and I wish it was all much easier. And sometimes I’ve even wished my own Mums was here taking care of me (spoiled middle child syndrome). But the fact that it’s not been easy or fun yet doesn’t really matter.

    I’m 12 weeks pregnant. I’m still carrying and nourishing a growing, healthy baby.

    Keep being strong, little one. Keep growing and please, just keep being. I’ll take the weight, the stretching, the sickness, the aches and pains. For you it’s all worth it.

    Because really, it’s not about me. It’s now about you.


  3. baby news

    April 16, 2012 by louissa

    I don’t have any creative way of telling other than just coming out and spewing the news at you from excitement, hope, nervousness, anxiousness, joy — I’m pregnant! When your very first pregnancy ends in a miscarriage, there’s a level of uncertainty when you discover you’re expecting again. But more than uncertainty is the joy that comes from the amazing gift you’ve been given.

    Thank You, Jesus, for another day of health for this baby.


  4. to my baby

    February 10, 2012 by louissa

    Dear Baby I’ll Never Hold,

    Today I, your mama, sat at the kitchen island, so very empty and so lacking of you, and cried. And cried some more. And then cried more. When I lost you so many weeks ago, I made myself move on. I reminded myself of all the others who have suffered even greater losses than my own and convinced myself that I needed to be strong; I couldn’t be sad for long.

    Everyone around said they were sorry and I felt the need to say in return, “It’s okay. I’m doing fine!”

    And I am. And I’m not.

    I think about you. Every single day. You made me a mama for 10 short weeks and you made me the happiest. My body was already changing, making room for you, and since I knew I was responsible for you, I was the healthiest I’ve ever been while you were around. I delighted in already caring for you.

    We live in a broken world and we wait for the perfection that’s to come. But that’s why things go wrong. That’s why there’s hardship. And that’s why there’s need to grieve.

    So, baby, I guess I just wanted to let you know that you were the most important thing to me. I had dreams and ideas for what you would be like and how you would add to our family. I guess I just wanted you to know that although I’ve not shown much outward expression of grieving, I feel the loss of you always.

    And I guess I just wanted you to know that I miss you.

    Your Mama


  5. goodbye, little baby.

    December 31, 2011 by louissa

    (via)

    on christmas day we said goodbye to our tabolt baby. everything seemed fine until suddenly it was all very, very wrong and i knew it was over.

    i felt helpless. i felt such sadness. and i felt such peace.

    even there, in the midst of frustration and disappointment, God can be found.

    He’s faithful like that.