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March, 2011

  1. oh hey

    March 10, 2011 by louissa

    oh hey. you’re rather cute.  i’ve got a nice office that would like you.

    sadness.  you’re sold out.

    oh hey. is it okay if i dream of you tonight?

    someday, norway, perhaps we’ll meet.  you know, the day my ship comes in so i can quit my job, become the most selfish being on the planet, and wander around, seeing places like you.*

    yes, that day.

    *not saying that everyone who travels is a selfish being.  i just know myself and i know that i want to go for only selfish reasons.  i’m a terrible beastly sort of thing.


  2. why this not-so-catholic girl is observing lent.

    March 8, 2011 by louissa

    tonight, three chocolate cookies filled with milk & white chocolate chips, were consumed.  a massive glass of milk was drunk.  and i wondered what else i can stuff in my mouth before 12am.  why?  well –

    i was hesitant to bring up the word “lent” on my site.  after all, it’s a catholic fast, i’m not a part of the catholic church, people have varying views on doing such things, and i really don’t do well with confrontation.  know this: i love some dear catholics but i don’t adhere to the Roman Catholic church.  i haven’t grown up observing a 40 day fast before easter — last year was the first time for me — and i never considered making it a yearly tradition.  but several have asked me if i’m fasting again this year and i thought, “why not?  why not just tell on my little space here?”

    so here’s why this not-so-catholic girl is [not really] observing lent (i couldn’t even educate you on everything concerning lent — that’s how unfamiliar it is), but is fasting for 40 days:

    1)  i lack resolve and discipline.  if i instituted my own 40 day fast, chances are, i wouldn’t fulfill it.  this way, i have a date set for me and i have a wonderful, glorious day that it ends: Easter Sunday.  you could argue that i could do something like this on my own, and perhaps i could, but fasts that i’ve tried in the past?  well, i’ll be the first to say that sometimes they ended a bit… early.

    2)  i wasn’t sure if i was going to fast this year.  last year found me in a dark place full of resentment, frustration, and being ruled by flesh.  i needed a change and i needed to do something drastic to bring change.  although there was no lightning bolt encounter with an angel and i didn’t wake one day to find myself free of all resentment, frustration, and want to wallow in melancholy, i finished lent and felt as though my feet were back on solid footing.  last year, i fasted for my inward self.  this year, i fast for other situations.  the way that only eating certain foods last year reminded me of my personal need for Jesus, this year i will be reminded of my need to ask Jesus to move.

    3)  lent is the season leading into Easter, the day our faith is made real.  for the last few years, Easter has been my favorite.  this year, it’s even more real in my heart.  Easter represents life.  life eternal and life abundant.

    life.  life for me and you.  life for those broken around you.  life for the very situations you’ve thought dead for so long.  He’s come that you/them/whatever & whoever it is can have life.

    and this year, that’s what i need.  since Easter stands for the very thing i’m needing & longing for, why would i not spend the weeks prior focused on sweet, precious life?  and why wouldn’t i give up things i love for just 40 days as i remind myself of the way He gave an answer years ago and is longing to make it our reality today?  He wants His life to be real in our lives today.  and that’s what i’m asking for.

    and that, dear readers, is why i “observe” lent.


  3. anyone else have this weakness?

    March 7, 2011 by louissa


  4. one lucky auntie.

    March 2, 2011 by louissa

    i have the most gorgeous nephews and nieces.  you can debate this, but in my world, it’s fact.  they just are.

    sometimes the amount of love in my heart for them almost surprises me.


  5. stop & rest.

    March 1, 2011 by louissa

    it’s said that i write on tuesdays.  but i sit here, late in the evening, afghan on my lap, and nothing is coming to mind.  it’s been those sort of days recently.  you know, the kind where you go through long, full days, but although they were busy, when you lay your head on your pillow at night you realize that not one significant thought seemed to go through your head all day.  you immediately feel like the biggest loser, thinking that you’ve let a day be wasted, and perhaps you have, but there’s nothing you can do about the days behind.  you can only do things about all your tomorrows.

    a week ago (or so) my sister said something that has stuck with me.  as we discussed schedules, habits, and our culture she commented, “we pride ourselves with being stressed and busy.”  it made me pause and realize that perhaps she’s right (she always is).  don’t we hear from every single person (myself included) the age-old sigh and comment of, “my days are so busy,” all the time?  and we are.  i know we are.  i know i am!

    but i also know this:  when i’m not filling my every minute of every day, i feel unproductive and unfulfilled.  my case proves that some pride themselves by how full their schedule is.  i also know that as busy as i may get at times, i’m in full control of my schedule.

    i’m known for saying that i’m busy and tired and weary and always on the brink of undone-ness, and although in all the days behind me i thought that seasons and days like that just plopped themselves in their lap (and sometimes extra stuff does just appear), for the most part, i’m the reason for it all.  and it’s because i find my identity in how much i do and how full my schedule is.

    for awhile people have been saying things to me — urging me to set more time aside to rest and be still — and although i knew the whole time that it’s all well and good, the last few days have slapped me in the face with the pride that i have in being busy.  i love being busy more than i love making sure i have time to renew my soul and have moments of calm and absolutely nothing.

    i’ve not been honoring the rest that we’re called to.  and right now, that’s one thing that i want to change in my tomorrows.  i don’t want my busyness to be an idol and i don’t want to push something aside that we’re called to do.  i want to understand the power in working and doing and giving it all you’ve got, and then stopping and just being for a bit.  that’s what i want.

    and that’s all.  i’m terrible at ending things.  ask any of the poor individuals who sit through my worship exhortations week after week.  i stop everything abruptly because i never have a solid concluding point.

    oh.  it’s march 1.  my birthday is very close.  remember, my birthday — the thing i get so excited about?  i was reminded of it today by the dear, wonderful,  loving soul who sits beside me each and every day, and i was shocked by my response.  i wasn’t excited.  i panicked.  twenty-three sounds awfully old to me right now.

    and that’s really all.