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April, 2010

  1. “I would have lost heart, unless I had believed…”

    April 27, 2010 by louissa

    i would ask you to pray for her.

    this afternoon i held her hand and read this aloud.  she closed her eyes and the words seemed to settle her soul.

    i kissed her forehead and told her that she could take a nap when the clock told me i really needed to go.  she looked at me for another second and i wondered if i could step away and leave her alone in that bed.  i squeezed her hand again and forced myself to turn.   i stopped at the door and glanced back to see her laying there, eyes closed, with that one hand that moves clutching her sheet.

    right now she needs a miracle to live.  so please pray.

  2. favorite classic

    April 26, 2010 by louissa

    Promise me you’ll never forget me, because if I thought you would, I’d never leave.
    Winnie the Pooh

  3. my morning so far.

    April 22, 2010 by louissa

    i wake up to michael jackson’s thriller every single morning.  judge if you must, but you can’t help but start moving when that greets your ears.  his song turned on fifty minutes ago today.  i laid in bed not sure where i was, what day it is, and if i had already been awake or if i was still in need of living this day.  bizarre life-like dreams will do that to you.  i hate them.

    what i hate more is that i don’t remember the dream.  whatever the dream — all i know now is that it’s made me feel like “rest” was not accomplished during the quiet dark hours.  yes, that is frustration.

    i started a pot of coffee.  if you ever have me make coffee for you, please ask for a full pot.  my full pots taste like golden goodness to the soul.  anything else turns out like a faint resemblance of golden goodness to the soul or black gruel that wants to kill your soul.   i’m not sure what my problem is.

    i opted to not shampoo and condition my hair in the shower.  this is mind blowing since i don’t feel fully awake, clean, or ready for my day unless that happens.  but my tired body won the mind game by saying it didn’t have the energy for caring for the hair after the shower.  i now feel dirty, groggy, and not quite sure i should head to work like this.

    i made a delightful cake last night.  i am most happy with an apron on in the kitchen.  see?

    i am an avid food blog reader and i can’t tell you the number of recipes bookmarked, links saved, starred entries, etc. that i have just waiting to be tried.  last night i tried a cake recipe.  it’s light and not too sweet and has a blackberry sauce poured over it so i deemed it good enough for a breakfast bite with my coffee.  i am the epitome of health.

    and then i read one simple verse in a translation i don’t read often.  and i’m struck to the core.  i thought i’d pass it on this morning.  don’t revel in just an incredible performance of doing the right thing like i so often find myself.  performance all by itself is empty.  and not pleasing to Him.

    “Going through the motions doesn’t please you,
    a flawless performance is nothing to you.
    I learned God-worship
    when my pride was shattered.
    Heart-shattered lives ready for love
    don’t for a moment escape God’s notice.” – Psalm 51:17 The Message

    i shall now go to my little blue office to keep her company for the day.

  4. the look.

    April 15, 2010 by louissa

    you know the look? the one that tells you in the space of one second that the person giving it thinks you’re crazy, out of your mind, obnoxious, overwhelming, scary, and quite possibly annoying?  yes, that look.  i find that i have a tendency to provoke the look quite often.

    i was there in a cramped elevator full of quiet smelly strangers.  our eyes were all fixed intently on watching the number go higher knowing with each change we were that much closer to our freedom from the stuffy confined space we found ourselves in.  my phone jingled — text had just come in.  “someone’s got a blackberry,” a woman muttered recognizing the sound.  “it’s me!” i gladly volunteered.  i held up my lovely pink & white phone for all to see as i said, “isn’t it sooooo pretty?”  the woman just gave me the look while everyone else remained silent.

    i brought a friend to a new mexican place in town.  i stood on one side of the counter as the worker stood on the other asking if i wanted this kind of salsa or that kind of cheese or would i like some sour cream with that as well?  rather excitedly i asked, “can i really get guacamole with that?”  she nodded yes.  “oooh!  i just love this place!” i exclaimed while yes,  i’m afraid to say, clutching my hands to my heart.  she gave me the look and replied dryly, “i can tell.”

    surrounded by faces i thought i knew i yelled into a cell phone that wasn’t mine (or my conversation to be yelling into) and hugged every neck i could get and pranced about to greet more faces and then noticed the quiet girl standing right there who i’d never seen before.  i introduced myself by name and then knowing she had observed my shouting and prancing and laughing and hugging felt the need to add, “i’m really not a freak all the time.”  she nodded her head ever so slowly to politely agree with me while she gave me the look. i knew she would be staying as far away from me as she could the rest of the evening.

    i was once told that i shouldn’t treat the world as if it’s my best friend.  people think it odd.

    i’m thinking they were right.

  5. my weakness

    April 14, 2010 by louissa

    someone please take my computer away from me.

    when exhausted, stressed, overjoyed, frustrated, delighted, or overwhelmed…

    i shop online.

    it’s very, very bad.

  6. the randoms of my life…

    April 12, 2010 by louissa

    1.  i’ve got prettiness hanging above my bed.

    2.  i received a “notice of delinquency” from the government today.  i’ve never found anything quite so humorous.

    3.  i’m looking at tickets to go to idaho.  what in the world is in idaho?  friends.  and a friend getting married to another friend.  and faces and people i haven’t seen in over 3 years.  spending time with them?  that, my dear reader, is great news.

    4.  i’ve never been too much of an addict of any tv show.  in the last six months though there are three of us that pile on my bed and watch a certain show.  and tonight, my heart hurts a little bit from it.  who knew that bones could touch the soul in such a manner?

    5.  i started work on my own little bedroom in this house full of people in mid-january.  fresh paint, new decorations — everything was reworked.  my wall hangings sat on the floor for months though.  there was one pathetic attempt to hang them on an emotionally frenzied afternoon that ended with nothing hung and my mums sending her 21 year old to bed for a nap.  i know — i am the picture of maturity.  but today i finally tried my hand at hanging framed wonders and we have a few up.  although the end product had my shoulders slumped in defeat since i wished that one was an inch lower and the other an inch higher, they’re up and my walls aren’t bare.

    good enough.

  7. role model

    April 7, 2010 by louissa

    i think i shall start wearing my lipstick just like this.

  8. thankful things (with pictures)

    April 6, 2010 by louissa

    i have much to be thankful for.  photos to illustrate my items of thankfulness are so much more entertaining.  so i used my handy-dandy cell phone to try and collect a few throughout my last 24 hours.

    1. my rock star sister.  she’s been driving around the states for the last few weeks in a bus full of other musicians.  yesterday was the last show she was playing in so the mums took all her “younger girls” down to pennsylvania to watch and bring this rocker home with us.

    2.  the mums who took us.  and suggests ideas for her bored daughter to try.  and asks how life is going.  and listens to as much beyonce and ke$ha and shania twain that her crazy girls want.  and drives quietly hour after hour as we they giggle and screech out noises that girls in tight quarters should never screech out and is generally amazing.

    3.  the crazy girls who giggle and screech and are fun and cute and my favoritest in the world.

    4.  a reminder of my mornings in germany.  can life get any better?

    6.  shoes.  i love shoes.  and i love cute shoes.  and i love flats.

    7.  summertime sun warming this girl on april 5.  i’m not sure i’ve ever loved life so much.

  9. the baby girl.

    April 3, 2010 by louissa

    squishy claire.  the youngest of our babes.  i tell her that she’s the prettiest and the happiest and the most kissable and everything else wonderful.  and sometimes i get lucky and she’s in the same room as me for a whole evening.  like tonight.

    you don’t mind a post full of her precious face, do you?

    good.  here they come.

    (how i wish this had focused properly!)

    and here, i’ll slip one in of aubrey, our other red headed girl, because she’s so darling too!

  10. my shirt.

    April 2, 2010 by louissa

    today was… today.  at one point i said i hated it.  another time i exclaimed that i loved it.  with head in my hands i cried and said, “it’s just hard to love Jesus when you don’t love much about your life.” (selfish, i know).  this evening my fingers played my prized possession and i sang a few songs in anticipation of this upcoming sunday morning celebration and wondered if i’ve ever loved Him more.  i had planned on doing much and remembering much and dragging everyone i could get along with me tonight but in reality, tonight found me not wanting many around and the desire to stick close to home (okay, so having a car in the shop might have helped that a bit).

    have i ever had such a confused day?  i cried and i laughed and i grumbled and i praised and i wanted busyness but did quiet instead.

    the good news is that i wore the shirt that brings joy to my heart today.

    yes, that one.  giant body flop.  there are so many reasons it brings joy, but on days like today when i myself am steeped in confusion, it’s wonderful because it causes everyone around me to be confused as well.  wondering if my theory works?  put it on and walk into the madrid bank.  trust me, it will work.  especially if you’re me.

    i visit this bank once a week.  at first i found this job a bit intimidating since small town cliques can be so hard to break through and everything about that place is a huge part of my small town-ness.  and the real intimidating part?  every single lady there knew exactly who i was and everything about my life and i didn’t know a lick about them.  but at this point, after a year of these weekly visits, i’m the queen of small talk, know they’re names, where they went on vacation last year, and all about their opinions on not “spreading siblings out too far” (score for louissa — she’s on in the “in” of this clique!).  so, the tellers know me, i know them, they’re usually a bit amused by what i walk in wearing (these conservative ladies give me the up-down 99.9% of the time), but today all four women gave me a shocked/double-take.  i’m guessing it was the shirt.

    or maybe it’s just that this shirt inspires me to do crazy things like my spread my arms out and run around like an airplane.

    yes, maybe that’s the reason for the double-take.