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January, 2010

  1. she be a knittin’ sort

    January 29, 2010 by louissa

    tonight, other than being my normal cute self

    i picked up the long wanted hobby of knitting.

    i took a bunch a yarn –

    yarn that was purchased and supposed to be made into a scarf back in the day when she was around and i had platinum hair,

    but busyness or lack of self-discipline or laziness or something came in the way and i forgot everything from that lesson.  so tonight i told the jess girl she had to show me.

    i tried to be funny.  and didn’t succeed.

    and when i had a problem jess took care of it… and i waited.

    and i was so proud of my very small start.

    and then there was some more fixing and waiting.

    BUT, once it was decided that i really had the hang of this knitting thing, we called it a night.

    and now, for real this time, i have a hobby!  i know how to knit!

    - – - – -

    currently listening — piano song, meiko

  2. the office in my world

    January 25, 2010 by louissa

    i told myself that i need to write something — anything — but i’m feeling so uninspired this evening.  i just had the most monotonous day.

    big people aren’t supposed to have monotonous days, are they?  i didn’t think so either.

    i have typed and deleted numerous times tonight.  everything that’s coming out is stupid stupid stupid.  so i decided to just settle with that and continue with whatever comes next.

    i spent most of my afternoon tracking down addresses and getting those on a large mailing by using a PEN.  so my hand cramped and wouldn’t unfold by the time i was done at 5:00, but the good news is that i was able to work much on my penmanship (although i’m pretty sure my scrawling letters got more scrawly the longer it went).  and i know what you’re thinking –  why, when everything else that comes out of our office is so hip and cool, am i being so archaic by handwriting the addresses?  well, a few reasons:

    1.  i’m not the reason that everything is hip and cool.  that would be her.  i’m more like the lick the envelope, make a phone call, ship out the package, run to the bank, unlock the door for the random person that comes sort of girl.  so of course the way i would address envelopes is not going to be hip (although i’m not sure there a way to be hip and put names and locations on a piece of paper — correct me if i’m wrong).

    2.  everyone says i’m all 1980s so i decided to try a day in the life of an office worker from that era.  i wasn’t sure how easily accessible labels and printing was for those big haired people and there’s no typewriter in my office so i said my own fingers and pen would be good enough.  but then i cheated by using facebook to find most of the missing addresses.  guess my day in an 80′s office was a flop of an attempt.

    3.  the real reason is that we don’t have a functioning database yet.  but that’s just boring so i gave you #1 & 2 for fun.

  3. missing

    January 22, 2010 by louissa

    i’m a sentimental fool and always miss the things that are in the past.  somehow tonight missing is a bit stronger.

    i miss friends who spent five and a half months of summer with me.

    i miss slow summer days.

    i miss when we were younger.

    i miss when they were younger.

    i miss afternoons that were nothing more than long walks and photo-ops.

    i miss summer. and freckles. and smiling so full.

    i miss my year of quiet. and beauty. and finding and knowing God.

  4. with chocolate in hand

    January 14, 2010 by louissa

    it’s finally the end of the day and i’m thanking the Lord for it.  today was just one of those days.

    you know, the kind where your brain is mush by 10:00am, you feel like the world’s problems (including the disaster in haiti) and the answers for them rest squarely on your shoulders, the type where you eat an entire bag of beef jerky (you know it’s bad when that happens), when everything that could go wrong actually does go wrong, the day you keep asking your coworker why you haven’t been fired yet, where the feeling of being completely ill-equipped for any task given haunts you, the kind that gives you a pain in your neck and an ache in your head, and the type you wish could be done and over with at noon and you take personal offense that life is making you live this wretched day for several more hours.

    yeah, that kind.

    but here we are and it’s 10:15pm.  praise the Lord & hallelujah — i made it.  i was able to leave my office in one piece and i didn’t even have a meltdown at all during my hours in that small room.  i attended our chubby redheaded boys 4th birthday party and was able to enjoy my time with my dear and darling family.  i started tearing my room apart in preparation for painting and redoing everything that you can redo.  and i sit here now while my gracious and loving and merciful and saint of a father patches holes, takes down mirrors, and does the actual prep in my bedroom.

    what does anne say?  tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet.

    if i can just get myself to not focus so much on the “yet” part and have some faith that maybe tomorrow will go a bit more smoothly…

    i was just given a chocolate.  it’s in the shape of a turkey which is a bit odd, but i still have chocolate in my possession.  chocolate is much better than beef jerky (although i’m one of the biggest beef jerky fans ever) so i’m thinking that just maybe… very  possibly… tomorrow could be a tad bit better.

    currently listening – This Time, August Rush

  5. January 13, 2010 by louissa

    “Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity or registering wrongs.”  – Charlotte Bronte

    currently listening – A Living Prayer, Alison Krauss

  6. “no heavy internalizing allowed” night

    January 11, 2010 by louissa

    i spent twenty minutes last night furiously typing away.  i clicked the publish button and closed my laptop.  five minutes later i reopened it and went it to delete the post.  really, i am a bit melancholy of late, but must all my posts reek of wonderings and confusion and heaviness?  those aren’t the only things i experience in my daily life.  they can’t be.  if only i could remember what the other things are…  just joking.

    tonight is a “no melancholy” night.  so on to those other things.

    1. i absolutely ADORE this child.

    this is her popular “CHEESE!” face whenever a camera is pointed at her.  how can you not instantly fall in love with such a little person so full of personality?  i don’t think i can express how much i love this peculiar two year old who prefers adult companionship over tots her own size.  spend some time with her.  after five minutes you’ll know what i’m talking about.

    2. it’s cold & white.  forget that.  it’s just dark.  i know a sun exists somewhere — really, i do!  but nothing about my world the last few weeks would tell you it’s so.  i do believe mr. sun forgot about us north country folk and i think that was quite unthoughtful.  BUT the good news is that someday he’ll make an appearance.  and what a glorious day that will be!

    3. if someone can tell me how to properly pronounce the book title, Tess of D’Ubervilles, it would be most appreciated.  after unwrapping it on christmas morning, i passed the book around through the hands of people i would like to think are highly educated to receive an answer.  nobody knew how to pronounce it.  so right now i sound all the more like a north country hick when i answer the question of what i’m reading by saying, ‘Tess of Doo-ber-vills.’  yes, that sounds not correct.

    4. my family is… a strange sort of people.  tonight i made dinner and sat around a crammed kitchen table with only my family (well, two of them were staple 1942 add-ons, but that’s just family for us).  for forty-five minutes when we weren’t discussing the side salad of greens, craisins, and cheese (really, it’s very simple but the fruit was just too much for some) our conversation revolved around something that you would hear at any table — mixing the sound of worship teams, decibel levels, choir mics, and such things that go along with that sort of topic.  very normal, right?  somehow we find that interesting… i’m still trying to figure out how.

    5. i’m twenty-one but sometimes i don’t feel very much my age.  all the younger girls in the house think i’m hilarious and love being with me, but i’m just wondering: at what age must you grow out of finding 5th grade humor jokes funny?

  7. where did you come from, 2010?

    January 1, 2010 by louissa

    well, hello 2010.  how did you get here so quickly?  to tell you the truth, you’re a bit unexpected and i’m not really ready for you.  they say you’re a fresh start and a new beginning and everything wonderful like that, but i hadn’t caught my breath from 2009 so how was i to be prepared for you?

    i’ve nothing planned for you.  no goals, no resolves, no dreams, no ambitions.  nothing to start afresh beside you.  i only have me.  plain old ordinary me with my bumps and scrapes, letting life take me where it pleases.

    no, i really was not ready for you.  couldn’t you have waited a bit longer to arrive?  that would have been much more polite.