sometimes it’s in the quiet of my blue 12×12 room at my church.
sometimes it’s in the kitchen surrounded by many when the warm heart asks me a question.
sometimes it’s in my favorite gym when i’m standing in front of 400 people.
sometimes it’s in another blue room with candles and blankets and faces of five girls i love.
sometimes it’s in the car as i talk and think and wonder and vent aloud.

she says she’s glad i cry in front of people.  she says she’s glad that somehow i still seem happy while the tears come and my voice cracks.  she says she’s glad i do it.

it’s being transparent.  i know that.  it shows that i’m a person — a real genuine person with issues just like you and the man you passed in the post office today and didn’t give a thought of.

it’s being vulnerable.  i know that.  it shows that i’m not afraid to have you see me as that real person — the one with all the issues.  for a few minutes i take the facade off and show you what my heart really looks like.

it’s always been like this.  even when i wanted to most, i couldn’t help the tears from coming.  like why when i’m standing in front of a keyboard while hundreds watch me?  why when there are people in and out of a room and food being prepared and games being played?  why then?

sometimes i just wish i was better at wearing the facade.
sometimes i’m tired of crying so easily.