life throws curve balls. i’ve always known this to be a fact but now i’m experiencing it as reality. and it’s now, in the midst of being a recipient of a curve ball that i find myself curled up, grappling to gather the bits of my heart that are strewn about, and piece everything back together.
but back together doesn’t look how i thought it would. my heart, once back together, will tell the tales of mend and repair; dreams that are never to be; the fragility of the human being.
i know all the answers and i know that someday i’ll look back on this as just a small event in the grand scheme of life — i’ve heard it all before and please, i don’t need a refresher right now. as i lay and wonder what’s happening and why this and why that, all that’s coming to me is an email that i once wrote:
…I’m weak. I need my daily bread. I thought of the Israelites when they would try to gather enough mana for a few days. Sometimes I try to gather enough at every “high” to get me through to the next. But that’s not the way it works. I need fresh mana, the Word for today. Yesterday’s mana isn’t going to get me through today. It was for yesterday. I need the unique Freshness for today.
i had the grace i needed a few days ago. i had it yesterday. but today? i’m grasping for an ounce of it. i can remind myself of what i felt yesterday till i’m blue in the face, but at some point i need to experience the grace for today, for this moment.
He’s the Giver of Good Things and He gives abundantly. and it’s with that grace that He gives everyday — just the right amount that i’ll need for that particular moment — i’ll start to pick up shattered dreams and hopes and feelings and a heart that’s raw and piece everything back together.
and someday i’ll look back and have a testimony to show of a mended world and the journey of finding Today’s Mana. and i’ll be able to know that i faced this curve ball, managed to hit it, and kept on running.