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September, 2009

  1. perfect world?

    September 30, 2009 by louissa

    i live in the north country.  this dear ‘ole place comes complete with funny accented people, no shopping, struggling businesses, foul smelling air from large dairy farms, four restaurants to choose from, an economy that turned sour long ago, absolutely miserable weather — and yet, so many love it.  i love it.  i know people who have only heard about this place and the warmth of those who live here and have decided that it’s the best place on earth.

    fall has wrapped its icy fingers around my world and i watch as everyone starts to hunker down for the long months to come.  thick socks, turtlenecks, moth ball smelling sweaters, color, space heaters, candles, and cinnamon invade our lives and we deem them good enough to keep us going although goosebumps and stiff backs are our portion for six months out of the year.  if we were unable to turn this time into such a homey experience i’m sure there would have been a pilgrimage south long ago.

    but these things — the color and smell and blanket-covered evenings while watching a movie with all the loveliest people — these are the reasons everyone thinks my world is so perfect and idyllic.  but really, there is as much pain, suffering, want, frustration here as there is anywhere.  the real reason you think everyone here lives the perfect life is because i’m surrounded by those who are able to take the small joys and illuminate them.  i’ve been taught to find reasons to be thankful and put my focus there.  i’d like to say that this place is special because of these abilities, but i think the Lord can do that in anyone anywhere.

    so wherever you are, pull out a blanket, turn on a fall-ish Soundtrack (“Little Women” & “Sabrina” are my favorites), light a candle, make an apple pie, push aside the negatives of life, and enjoy it with the best people in your world.

    then you’ll have a taste of my idyllic blessed life.


  2. just dance

    September 21, 2009 by louissa

    night one of my dance classes.  reflections?

    my teacher is amusing.  a regular north country gal complete with a blonde ponytail and a bit of a twang.

    mirrors are from the devil.  perfect for every young girl in the room who is in love with themselves and awful for the few self-conscious ones stuck in the corner.

    newbies actually abide by the dress code and wear pink tights, black leotards, and slippers.  everyone else comes in gym shorts, taped feet, and very large heads.

    the looks all these little girls were giving me were enough to tell me that i was the doofus in class.  note to self: wear makeup next week.  maybe i won’t look like such a doe-eyed 12 year old anymore.


  3. September 21, 2009 by louissa

    sometimes all i need to know is that He knows.  sometimes all i need to know is that there is a High Priest who understands.  sometimes all i need to know is that me — plain old me with all my feelings — am noticed by the One who cares most.

    “You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle.  Are they not in your book?” Psalm 56:8


  4. faithfulness

    September 15, 2009 by louissa

    i keep humming the lines from a dear old hymn.  growing up we used to gather around the piano, the mumsie would play, and we were all to sing along (3 part harmony, please).  i learned many of these ancient songs and love them more everyday.

    Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth,
    Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
    Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
    Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

    …Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me.

    - – -

    “It is of the LORD’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.  They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.” Lamentations 3


  5. little things.

    September 8, 2009 by louissa

    i don’t have much to say these days…

    i watch my bird.  a lot.  i’m not sure why i’m so fascinated by a small yellow thing but i am.  and she’s loud.  like really really loud.  i love it.

    the US Open is currently taking place seven hours south of us.  and the tv is on constantly.  for a family that’s not too into sports we sure do take our tennis seriously.  nadal, federer, venus (who names their daughter that?) & serena williams, clijster — we throw these names around like they’re our best friends.  and then after sitting on couches watching game after game, cars leave the house full of individuals carrying their own cheap $20 walmart rackets as they try to replicate what they just watched.  i love my family.

    i went away yesterday.  i took a day off.  as much as i love my weekends away, they exhaust me.  all the running around, trying to pack much into so few days — you come back more tired than when you left.  but a day where i sleep and go somewhere with no set plan and with two darlings who are content to relax in silence?  it’s what this tired soul needed.  i found myself thinking when i wanted but with no pressure to figure out any of the world’s problems right then and there.  and then sometimes i did nothing at all with my head and felt no guilt for not analyzing everything nonstop.  it was all so very wonderful.

    i read this today.  she’s one of my favorites.  i turned to the pretty face i see every single day and hoped out loud, “someday, i want to be as good as ann voskamp.”  i won’t ever be as deep a thinker as her or have a life exactly like hers and i’m okay with that.  but the goodness?  the ability to find joy in the mundane?  looking for God in the ugly and broken?  i want that.


  6. 23.1

    September 3, 2009 by louissa

    The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want.

    sometimes this is all i need to know.  when my head is muddled and my heart sore i remember that i’m to stick close to my Guider as He leads me.  He’ll supply abundantly what this tired soul needs.


  7. young at heart.

    September 1, 2009 by louissa

    12:55am.  i’m exhausted.  and sleep isn’t coming.

    instead darker color will join the circles under my eyes which have been my constant companion of late.  i suppose they move in when sleep finds a new place to be.  after many nights of tossing and turning until shut eye finally comes to my rescue, i laid here for over an hour tonight only to throw my covers off, sigh, and say that i give up.

    but what is one to do at such a late hour but still so very tired?

    update a blog?  i’ll give it a try.

    i signed up for a dance class tonight.  i’ll join a whole group of 14-18 year olds and try my hand at ballet and lyrical.  14-18.  last time i checked i was 21.  i asked if they had adult classes.  they looked at me and recommended that i stick with the younger one.  “there’s a recital at the end of each semester,” they said to convince me.  it worked.  costumes?  makeup?  on a stage?  sign me up!

    after shopping and using my credit card for the first time ever (gotta be a big girl and build my credit) mumsie and i got out of my car, arms full of bags, and she sighed while saying, “look at you, with your own car and everything!”  i giggled while telling her that i really am an adult now.  i don’t think the giggle convinced her.

    i tried on a pair of grey slingback heels that arrived in the mail today.  everyone oohed and aahed and i felt like pretty hot stuff… until i realized that i wasn’t quite sure how to strut with skinny tall sticks on the bottom of the shoes.  and  people say those things will support you!  i had to ask the mumsie to teach me how to walk properly.  yeah, big girl of me, huh?

    i met a new college student this past sunday.  his sister, a friend of mine, dragged him to the front row to introduce us.  with much experience and ease i lead the usual small talk: what school are you going to?  what year are you?  what are you going for?  what do you think of the area?  — all the boring questions that are expected of me to ask.  suddenly noticing his glasses and this crazy cool design on them i burst out, “ohmygoodness!  you have the coolest glasses!  dude, the blue design is awesome!  he replied slightly surprised and not very impressed, “wow. you get really excited about really little things.”

    i brought home three new purses from shopping earlier (somehow i have to decide which one to keep).  at first i thought i’d branch out so one of them is yellow.  the other two?  hot pink.  someone save me from my Legally Blonde way of living.

    no wonder i never feel like i’m growing up.

    but really, why would i want to if i had to give this all up (minus the walking lessons of course)?

    anyway.  this never-growing-up-girl needs to find her sleep.  goodnight, world.