i was going to write you a little something to read tonight.  really, i was.  and i tried.  i typed up a few lines… actually, a lot of lines, but they weren’t pretty enough for your fine eyes.  so forget that.  would a few pictures be pretty enough?

here is the step-by-step guide on How to Take Louissa Skating:

Step #1:  you don’t.  no seriously — you don’t.  you just don’t take her skating.  she can’t skate.

what?  you didn’t quite get that?  let me help you out.

she can’t skate.

in fact, she’s so bad, you’ll end up having to help her sit instead of watching her awkwardly stand on the rink.  and yes, i said help her.  did you expect her to get down on her derriere herself while wearing skates?

Step #2:  once getting her on the sled you get the workout of the century.  they say skating is a great way to exercise — well, with the louissa machine, your exercise and ability to burn calories while gliding along will increase 100%!

unfortunately, that means that there’s no exercise for louissa.  she sits, gets cold, and laughs a lot.  no really.  a lot.

Step #3:  have some excuse ready as to why louissa shouldn’t try standing and pose for a picture.  it ends up being disastrous, she’ll end up with a sore bum afterward, but if you really want it — you’ll get the starting to lose control look:

yes, i’m falling.  i don’t know if you can tell but we’re still on ice here which means there are skates on our feet.  and the “we’re” that i just used implies that i’m standing on ice and i have skates on.  and didn’t i tell you already?

I DON’T SKATE.

yeah.  i don’t skate like i don’t go wall climbing.  and i don’t go wall climbing like i don’t go cross country skiing with the owner of alpina sports.

i’m a very good person.  and that’s code for: i be one dynamite girlfriend.