the house is quiet.  quiet besides the soft drone of the ever-going washer and dryer tucked away in the corner.  it’s just me.  me and this large place that is usually all bustle and noise.  you’ve probably never been here all by your lonesome self — and i can’t tell you the last time that i experienced it.

i love it and i feel lost all at the same time.  i fold some clothes.  play a few worship songs.  change the loads in the washer/dryer and put new one in.  sew button onto favorite black & white coat.  fold some more clothes.  plug rechargeable camera batteries in.  plug cell phone in.  look at how long the drive is from madrid, ny to atlantic city, nj.  fold some more clothes.

i go away for the weekend tomorrow.  i pack up my parents minivan with a few bags, guitar, and mandolin and leave with a sister.  we’re being put up in a hotel, being given the option of a different car to drive once in the city (maybe we’ll take ‘em up on the offer if it’s a sweet ride), and i’ll be her roadie (maybe?  gotta come up with some reason for why i’m also present.) while she goes to a ritzy Christmas party and entertains with melodies about snow, mangers, starry nights, rudolph and red noses, and all those jolly things.

sounds like fun, right?  it’s the benefit of having an almost-kinda-famous sister.  i get to getaway and pretend that i’m rich for a weekend.  i have no qualms about playing rich — i even considered coming up with some fantastic story for myself since i’ll be mingling with interesting people.  after all, will they even understand what a church administrator is?

no.  probably not.  most people who go to evangelical churches don’t understand.

i’m a dreadful liar so it would never work though.  and i’m actually a horrid “play rich” sort of person.  just ask my sister who i went to a spa with.  i’m sure the whole five hours of sitting in a sauna, steam room, and getting a swedish massage and facial, i looked like a complete imbecile who didn’t know what she was doing.

anyway.  this is all nonsense and not really about anything, which can be the most boring post to read.  i’m sure it’s been caused by the fact that there is no one around and i’m used to having someone around to talk to — even if just a lot of small children.

so i guess i’ll go.  there are always more clothes to be folded.

my blog, which used to be my world, has become incredibly lame in it’s silence.  this blog, which used to be the main thoroughfare in the upstate new york blog world, now shows the remnants of something that was once thriving and is now slowly dying.  it reminds me of ogdensburg or massena and all it’s buildings which now sit vacant.

actually, it reminds me of that restaurant in potsdam that sits on the river across from a gas station (lovely choice in location) and has changed its name a bazillion times in the last five years.  it’s constantly switching owners because no one seems to be able to make a restaurant of any sort thrive there.  if i was twelve or superstitious i’d say that there was a curse on the building or it was haunted or something exciting like that.

but i’m not.

scratch that.  this blog doesn’t remind me of that.  it’s neither switching names or owners and you’d have to try hard to conivince me that it’s cursed or haunted.  that’s much too nancy drew-ish for me to believe.

i can only account the silence to busyness or to so much happening in my life that i don’t know where to begin or not enough time to think or not doing any thinking at all or a free computer being hard to find (grow up and buy one, louissa) or to so many things.  i’m bad at disciplines and writing is one of them.  but i’m going to try.  even if it’s a boring entry, it’s good for me.

so here i go.

it’s a winter wonderland or a marshmallow world as my twenty darling students sang a week ago.  i make myself feel oh-so-very-old when i say things like “my students.”  i wore a jumper as my class performed in their annual Christmas program.  a plaid knee-length jumper.  i felt more like a school girl than a teacher.

i talk about the snow a lot.  the snow and i — we’ve got a love/hate relationship.  i’m working on this loving winter thing.

i’ve got a sister who gets married in a few weeks.  another brother added to the family.  another sister moving.  i’m glad she’s not moving far.  just to the next town over.  she’ll have a cute little apartment and will make it a home for her and her husband.  husband.  that’s weird.  she’s going to be a wife and have a husband.

i sat in a little grey car the other night.  we dropped a girl off and he turned and asked me a question.  i instantly started crying while saying, “oh, it’s nothing.”  right.  nothing.  that’s why i was sitting there crying.  he’s never made me cry, but he’s probably experienced conversations with me in tears more than anyone other than my sisters.  he’s a good add-on brother.  those are the kind you want your sisters to marry.  it’s just strange when you feel like a ride home has turned into a counseling session.  i guess i make it kind of easy for him since he always says, “since you’re pretty similar to a certain sister of yours…”  he always knows what i’m thinking and what i’m supposed to do — he’s dealt with the same things in that certain sister of mine for the last seven years.

i sat and listened to a “christmas message” like i do every December in every religious event you might go to.  but this one was different.  i walked away and found myself thinking, “it really is about Jesus, isn’t it.”  i know — major revelation.  but i was encouraged to be like the wisemen — to be foolish with my adoration and worship.

i’m going to a friend’s dance recital tonight.  i like sequins and girly things and i like dance.  it should be fun.  after that i’m to go to a housewarming party.  apparently there’s going to be a bonfire.  has anyone notified these party planners that there’s a foot of snow outside and sitting around a campfire isn’t quite so appealing then?

i love complaining.  i don’t actually mind the bonfire in the snow.  i just like complaining.  i guess i should change that.

i ended work early today.  so i came home early.  and it has been lovely.

and life continues…

it’s december.  it doesn’t feel like december, but it is.  i don’t feel jolly or feel much like going a’wassailing.  the house is decked for the holiday although there are cornstalks still on our front porch.  the traditional rum logs have been made once already and we had a christmas movie girls night… but i just don’t feel much in the season.  how does that happen?  i’m not too sure i like this growing up business.

i have a baby sitting on my lap.  she makes her noises and plays with star wars action figures.  she “talks.”  she’s loud.  incredibly loud.  she has red hair.  i guess the two go together.

“that’s my favorite game!” i exclaimed as he asked what we’re thankful for today.  usually i’m the one asking, not having to sit and think about the specific blessings that i’ve been given, but it’s good to do.  and today?  what am i thankful for today?  i’m thankful the wonderfulness i work with.  really, i’ve got the best.  working with a best friend, a favorite person, and someone you get along with so well — who could ask for more?

there are six babies under the age of five in the house right now.  and i love it.  i love these babes — these little blessings.  even with the spankings and the crying and the smelly diapers and the vomiting and the bloody noses.  there are the snuggles and the giggles and the playing and the holding and everything wonderful.  i like it.  a lot.

i’m going to see my sister play tonight.  and my brother.  and two friends.  i’ll pay $3 and sit in the world’s most ghetto bar and enjoy every minute of it.

and that’s it.  a rather lame post, i know.  when i have time… it’ll come.