louissa sinclair

a frustrated mind.  a heavy heart.  one who suddenly finds herself questioning God. 

people full of potential.  people who love Jesus.  people who shouldn’t be hindered.  and they’re sick.  they struggle with physical ailments. 

people who she loves.  people she doesn’t know.  people who are her family. 

why Lord?  why do you allow this?

what can she do?  she wants to make the world right.  she doesn’t want to see them suffering; she doesn’t want to see the pain and the hurt.  confusion sets in and she says that none of it is fair. 

have faith…

she hears the voice that whispers in her ear. 

i don’t want to just have faith… i want to do something more.

and the voice speaks again.

pray.  pray hard.  pray to the God of abraham, isaac, and jacob.  pray to the One who cleansed the leper, raised the dead, healed the lame, mute, and deaf.  pray to Him who is able to heal. 

the sharpie’s came out.  index size cards were found.  colored markers were pulled out of their box.  scotch tape was looked for.

and the hand started writing names.  a few girls, a few boys.  all in need of healing.  all making the heart of the writer feel heavy.

is this what a burden feels like?

a baby girl with a serious heart problem. 

Lord, please touch her…

a guitarist who struggles with siezures. 

Lord, please touch him…

a student that is unhealthy and longs to able to go on missions trips. 

Lord, please touch her…

a stranger.  a boy she heard about this afternoon.  he’s not supposed to reach 30. 

Lord, please touch him…

another boy who has a disease in his legs and in concerned about it spreading to his heart only to be the cause of his death. 

Lord, please touch him…

a pasty white bald head.  circles under his eyes.  he has lung cancer.

Lord, please touch him…

the cards are taped to a door and she hopes she’ll remember to utter these words everytime she sees names.  she hopes she’ll continue to feel this burden that forces her to lift them up and ask for their healing.

Lord, teach me to pray without ceasing.

and suddenly a peace that surpasses all understanding makes it way into her heart.  a heart that yes, is still heavy, but a heart that knows she is lifting these burdens up to the One who can deliver, who can make whole, and whose love is never-ending.

“The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” - John 10:10

all this tagging business is so last week. or so two weeks ago. or something like that, but i’m just getting around to it. i wasn’t even going to go along with all this (it makes me feel rather 13 again when i used to fill in the questions to those forwards and then hurt my brain by trying to think of a few people i could then send it to) but since my writing has been lacking and remarks coming my way have started to become more frequent, i’ve decided to tell you 7 random things about myself. after all, writing about myself is what this is all about, right?

1. i ate a grapefruit tonight. i was thirsty, water wasn’t doing the trick (sometimes i hate drinking water), so i decided to try a piece of fresh fruit. it was amazingly refreshing.

2. “Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” by Aerosmith continues to be one of my favorite songs. and he screams in it. my gift of overlooking aspects of something i love so much just so that i can continue to love it so much amazes me.

3. i’ve grown up going down to Long Island. and every single time we went down one of the kids would ask my dad which bridge we were going to be driving over (listening to the radio to find out what the traffic was like on the bridges was a tradition). up until three days ago i honestly thought that one of the bridges names was “Frogs Neck.” this name makes more sense than the actual name — i mean, who would name something “Throgs Neck?” what is that anyway?

4. sometimes i like to tell toddlers that i’ve been blogging longer than they’ve been alive. it makes me feel old and rather accomplished. or at least like i’ve accomplished something. and that’s a lovely feeling.

5. i’m having a hard time of coming up with things that i think will entertain you. do you think you’d notice if i skipped a number?

6. i have a horrid sense of direction. ask my sister. i went down to Long Island this past weekend with a sister and a friend and we brought my dad’s GPS (we call her Vicky) with us as well. since i was in the passenger seat i somehow was put in charge of routing Vicky, telling her what to do, let her know what we were looking for, etc. i’m not sure how many times i messed her up, messed my sister up (who has a perfect sense of direction) and got myself into a confused mess even though i had a machine with me telling me where we were supposed to be turning.

and…

whenever i go onto a certain campus in a certain town that i’ve grown up in, i carry a map of it.  why?  because i love to look ridiculous of course.  well, actually it’s because i get lost. it’s a confusing campus! yes, i’m the dork who walks around with paper in front of my face because i can’t figure out where Graham Lounge is.

7. i get more spam comments than real comments. yup. it’s lovely.

i know my family is incredibly cool, but what i want to know is: how did j.crew find out?

camilla has two items named after her.

liana has a jacket named after her.

the sinclair name continues to be the coolest.

and just in case you still aren’t convinced of our awesomeness, just go here.

inwardly i sigh as i push the button over the word “write.”  i’m to write.  it’s what i’m supposed to do.  it’s what this blog was made for.  and i must use it. 

but write what? 

i sigh some more and think to of the things i should have done today, didn’t, and should purpose to do more often.

i must walk more.  and more walking with induce more talking to Him.  i do so much better when i think of it as just talking.  He’s my friend, isn’t it?  i tell him when i’m worried, when something makes me sad, when i know someone who needs help — and then i simply ask Him to take care of it. 

but has this childish talking been taking place recently?  nope.  it hasn’t.

i should carve out more evenings at home like this.  then i can either purpose to spend time in His Word every night or go to bed earlier so i can get up earlier and do that in the morning.  it’s so much easier for me to get up early when i’ve gotten enough sleep the night before.  and i’m talking the eight hours that someone my age isn’t supposed to require.  i will admit that i need my sleep.

but has this childish sleeping pattern been taking place?  nope.  not at all.

i should drink more water.  i wonder why i have no energy and then i look at my sporadic eating and drinking (we’re talking water here, people!) patterns and i’m not so surprised anymore.  i know i’m supposed to take care of my body and my body needs water.  and so i should find my nalgene that was such a lovely pal of mine the beginning of this fall.  if i found my nalgene, i would bring it to work everyday and be a much healthier and energetic person.

but has the search for the nalgene taken place?  nope.  not really.

but now i feel rather motivated.  there really is nothing like writing something that at least inspires yourself to action!  and so i will go look through the kitchen cupboards for a blue water bottle all the while telling Him about my day and thoughts and then climb the stairs to my room where that wonderful Book sits on my shelf.

yes.  that sounds like a lovely plan.

and i’m so very glad that i pushed that annoying little button.  i thought i didn’t have anything, but look at what came from it!

it’s the second day in the first month of this year.  this makes me think that i should be writing something intellectually stimulating about my resolutions for this year, what i’ve learned from this past year, and what i want to see in this coming season. 

but i’m not.

i will let you know that the Lord decided to have me swallow my pride today when by 9:30am i found myself sitting in a car realizing that by that point i had already managed to:

a.) sleep through my alarm (causing much stress as i tried to ready myself for my day in a few minutes)

b.) fall in the middle of a parking lot in front of three out-of-towners from the ridiculous ice and snow that currently surrounds us (causing a very sore hip for the rest of the day and… well, some pride that might have been embarrassed)

c.) having to admit that i don’t know my social security number (causing much surprise from those i was with and many questions as to how i’ve traveled abroad for a year, worked, filled out paperwork, opened my own bank account — all while having to look up the silly little number the government knows me by each time)

d.) not being able to get a car to go in reverse (causing more humiliation while i stood in the cold to watch a boy back up the said vehicle — sinclair girls are supposed to be as good as boys behind the wheel)

e.) being horrible in awkward situations (causing my friend to not be able to open a bank account because i didn’t suggest all the things i could have suggested because i get tongue-tied)

f.) and knowing i had to tell my Mumsie that i had messed up a situation and she would need to patch it up because she’s just that amazing (causing me to once again deal with my wounded pride since i don’t always know what i’m doing)

yes.  that was 9:30am.  we don’t really need to continue with the day.  you could be here for a very, very long time.

- - -

since some of you aren’t as ridiculousy into facebook as i am, i stole a few pictures to post of our new years bash that happens here every year.  seriously, it was a marvelous evening.

two beautiful ladies.

the masquerade was so much fun!

dj natro

CRAZY PEOPLE!!!

even Spiderman showed up.  definitely the most creative outift.

nothin’ like a good electric slide.

Spidey might have come with the most creative outfit, but i had the sickest outift with these sweet shoes (no, this isn’t pride — i didn’t actually put my outfit together so i can say it).

: )