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October, 2007

  1. break

    October 30, 2007 by louissa

    it’s 6:00 and i’m still in my office chair, at my desk, staring at my computer. i have an office job, did you know that? i have a nice job. i work with nice people. and the computer i use looks nice but is currently not working quite so nicely. oh well. we’ll work on that later.

    i’m taking a break because my brain feels fuzzy and tells me that i’ve been typing and thinking and searching for communion bread plates for far too long and i feel ready to take a break. i’m now writing because although my body would benefit more from my walking outside for a few minutes, in reality, my body has gotten used to this sitting position and getting up sounds like way too much work.

    i’ve been looking at new cameras. and looking at ways to fix my camera. i’d be better off fixing. i find myself distracted by all the better and more expensive cameras instead of looking into a comparable one.

    i have blonde hair. no really, i do. “why?” you ask. “why not?” i say. besides, gwen stefani is the coolest and she has blonde hair.

    i have marked more than 50 comments as spam today. why is it that every gambling site online feels the need to advertise on my site? when i want to feel really, really loved, i pretend that all those comments were from real people. that would be lovely.

    i love being back with my family.

  2. thinking

    October 29, 2007 by louissa

    . . .about how much i loathe small talk. which means i don’t start very many new relationships. which means that since my church grew a great amount during the time i was gone i don’t know half of the people now, but i don’t much care. which means that now the Lord is conveniently using almost very conversation i have to convict me of my lack of caring attitude.

    . . .about how Barbra Streisand is my comfort music. i washed the dishes and sang along to my favorite song tonight. that is, while my Dad sorted mail and my sister wrote in her journal. my family is wonderful — they put up with my singing anytime.

    . . .about how incredibly cool my mom (and sister — but you expect this from a seventeen year old) is. twelve days is too long. it’s easier to be the one leaving than to have others leave me.

  3. i’m still writing

    October 26, 2007 by louissa

    hi old friend.

    i’ve been rather quiet since returning home but please don’t think that i’ve willingly shirked my duties. no, daily i’m reminded of you and the lack of communication on my part in these recent weeks. i could come up with many legitimate excuses and let you know that my quality time quota has been used up by hours of trying to turn my hair a certain color, by working everyday (this week entailed planning a party for our church), by doing extra-curricular activities such as attending Bible studies and watching friend’s (is this where the apostrophe is supposed to go?) sports games, and in general, being busy.

    but really, i have a love/hate relationship with excuses so i won’t expound upon any of the above stated reasons. i’ll just continue without further delay and hope that you forgive my unfaithfulness.

    - – -

    this past summer, during my week on an island of spain, five of us sat by the boardwalk. we talked of our parents and what we appreciate about them, we coaxed certain individuals to be inspired by the moonlit mediterranean sea and recite poetry, and we asked each other when we were the happiest.

    i told them when i thought the “perfect” season of life was. i described the happiness, the peace, the contentment, the feeling of purpose i had, the wonderful family all living within a walk from each other, the friends who i liked so very much, and i told them, that although happiness is only an emotion that changes, during that season i was most happy.

    i’m home now. it’s a year and a few months later than that season i was thinking of. things have changed, people have moved on, and i am not in the same place i was.

    and that’s okay.

    i’ve struggled with that idea since coming home. i wanted everything to be the same and mostly, i wanted me to be the same. and yet, even though i’ve tried so hard to recreate those wonderful days, i’ve realized that i can’t go back and live that part over again. i want it, i want it so badly, and to be honest, i feel like i’m struggling with that. i feel tired and i don’t feel like i have the joy i did back then. but i know that i can’t go back — i shouldn’t want to go back.

    i was reminded the other night that God always has new and good things in store for you. He would never make it so that the best He had for me was back in that season. and i know that even though i might not feel that, my human emotions are flawed and that i must learn to stand on truth and not my feelings.

    - – -

    < edit>

    it’s 12:31 in the morning and i just came back from a party. most of the time people think i’m an old woman already, but it’s times like this that i show ‘em who i really am. and to top it all off, i’m in scrubs right now (it was a costume party) and i’ve pretty much decided that i should become a doctor, because you know, i’d be the hottest doctor ever.

    < /edit >

  4. last pictures

    October 20, 2007 by louissa

    today a button fell off my camera. an important button just popped off which now prevents me from taking pictures
    sad day.

    but you know, she (the camera) was busy today and there are pictures from my wonderfully fun day that i still have. at least i can look at my pictures!

    my family has turned into faithful soccer fans and today we headed out to watch another one.

    and after that we had a girls party at the best salon in the world. hair was done — we changed hair colors, laughed, listened to music, and i almost killed all my brain cells by the chemicals i requested to be put in my hair.

    and now that i’ve shared with you the pictures from my day, i will look into sending my wonderful baby to be fixed.

  5. mickey mouse, sunglasses, and guitar competitions.

    October 19, 2007 by louissa

    there have been a few occasions in my life when i’ve been told by those around me that i was embarrassing them — in other words, they didn’t really want to be associated with me at that exact moment. the reasons have varied from my being too loud, to my stubborn refusal to take a leaf out of my hair, to the ridiculously cool sunglasses i recently acquired.

    yes, i have new shades.  and i love them.

    and although everyone else laughs at them, makes fun of me when i wear them, and have dubbed me “mickey mouse” because how large and round they are, they’re really just jealous because i’m cool enough to get away with such a ridiculous style.

    yeah, i’ll keep telling myself that.

    on a bit more serious note, i have a dear sister who is in california and is playing in a guitar competition tomorrow. and i’ll end this this rather uninspired post by letting her know that i’m thinking of her from across the country.

    julia, take luck!

  6. just this.

    October 15, 2007 by louissa

    “Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, small, but valuable. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven’t been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn’t it be the other way around? I don’t really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void.”

  7. October 13, 2007 by louissa

    beautiful. wonderful. blessed. girl.

  8. fall

    October 10, 2007 by louissa

    maybe it’s the colors – red, orange, and brown. maybe it’s the scents – apple, nutmeg, and spice. maybe it’s the sound – the crunch as you walk by the once bountiful tree. or maybe it’s what my mumsie makes out of it.

    fall is one of my favorite things.

    and what i really mean is fall at the sinclair house is one of my favorite things. it’s one of those things that i tell everyone they shouldn’t miss. who wouldn’t want the dinners, the candles, the mums on the porch step, the evenings of quiet and still?

    my daddy and mumsie have a home – have made a home – that i like very much.

  9. blessed.

    October 8, 2007 by louissa

    i’ve got two beautiful dolls.

    my loverly

    sleeping beauty

    and the cutest, funniest, and most sanguine little boy ever.

    scrunchy nose

    and two other incredible little boys… who i didn’t take any pictures of yesterday (sorry).

    i’m such a blessed girl.

    p.s. more pictures here.

  10. random bits

    October 6, 2007 by louissa

    it’s fall. it was rainy and it was chilly today.

    i spent most of my day in a vehicle. a standard? no problem.

    my bulletin looks nice this week. and there’s only one typo. we’re doing well.

    louissa is so fly.

    You find your way back down.
    And I’ll keep the area clear.
    When you find your way back down — in one piece.
    Then I’ll just be waiting here. right here.