i share a very small room with three other girls. but it really isn’t that bad. especially since each room has its own balcony and in the evening i can see the sun go down over the lake. and it’s usually beautiful. like this:
i’d like to let you all know that today i watched the Colts win the Super Bowl.
so who cares that it was a month late, that i watched it in black and white, that i sat in a building in Germany while watching such an American event, that i already knew who had won, and that it was the warmest day yet and i wasn’t outside all afternoon?
it was the Super Bowl and i got to watch it. and it was wonderful.
sometimes i get so riled up. things make me mad and i’m not sure if it’s good thing. i know there’s “righteous anger” but i’m thinking that usually my anger isn’t so righteous. it’s so hard to love everyone — especially when they’re so obviously against God’s principals.
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being here has been stretching and in more than one way. during my time at Bodenseehof i have had to sing/play so much music. most of it was not good — most of it i was cringing the whole time that i performed. the only thing i chose to do myself was sing Somewhere Over The Rainbow.
but i’ve been asked, have said yes, and then butchered the song Killing Me Softly. i’ve been asked to accompany for songs that i should never have said yes to since i didn’t know what i was doing. i had to play for a girl singing some Traditional Philippino songs, played while a foursome sang a Mariah Carey christmas song, and was forced to try my hand out at jazz piano with a Norah Jones piece. it was terrible. why i said yes i’ll never know. i’ve been asked to join songs an hour before performances, didn’t know the songs, so ended up fishing around for harmonies and really ruining the whole thing.
now i’ve been asked to try completely different things. someone asked me to sing The Cranberries song, Zombie, and i’m perfectly terrible at it. have you ever tried singing with an accent you’re not very familiar with and then trying to do strange yodeling type things vocally? i’m also supposed to learn some 50’s song, dress up like a good girl who falls for the bad boy (can we say Grease anyone?).
and to top it off. i was asked to sing a Point of Grace song for our event tonight. it includes us using a track to sing with and singing “woah-woah!” while modulating and i just feel like the biggest idiot ever.
yeah, this is fun. and so humbling. it appears that louissa isn’t good at everything.
I’ve tried more of me
and i’ve come up dry
these last five months i’ve seen myself for who i really am. and i’ve disliked it. i tried, from looking within, to come up with something to defend myself with. my aim has always been to be perfect and to have the truth revealed to me, that i’m the farthest thing from perfection, has not been easy. it’s been a struggle. a struggle to try to better myself so that i could see myself as a good person, but coming away disappointed and more frustrated, realizing that i can’t do it.
i’ve always known that Jesus loves me even if i sin, but really, i’ve always tried to earn it. the idea of accepting a gift that i don’t deserve was too much for my little mind to handle and something i almost disliked. oh, my pride!
but i’ve come to a point where all i can do is go on my knees and say how unworthy i am for what He’s given me. i now know that i need Him. i’m a sinner and there’s no way for me to change that unless i allow Him come and change my life. His Spirit dwells within me and empowers me to overcome my flesh and yet i’ve tried on my own strength to do just that.
i’ve been a Christian for years and although i’m just learning this lesson now, He is patient and loving towards me. He is my helper and my strength. and that, my friends, is amazing. i love Him. so much.
i’m so satisfied
at the thought of You
growing up in me
covering everything