louissa sinclair

i’m not sure how it was managed and how she finally convinced me, but yesterday i put my sweats on and sneakers and went to join everybody else.  i guess i gave in to peer pressure or maybe i wanted to see how i’d really do, but even with the butterflies in my stomach, i decided to live up to my word and go.

we walked in and i could smell the sweat and the running of feet.  in one section a ball was being dribbled and in the other everyone was chasing after a small ball with sticks in their hands.  faces were red and each player was focused.  a few of us looked at each other and wondered what we were doing with this crowd.  these are the students who played sports seriously in high school, they love it, and they are really, really good.

our section was empty.  the net was set up and some started practicing their serves.  i stood there like a complete idiot until someone told me what to do.  it was time to play.  the point of this game is to get the ball over the high net only using your hands and yet for some reason, i struggle so hard even with this simple idea.  have i ever told you how bad i am at anything that has something to do with a ball?  i’m simply terrible. 

usually i can laugh things off — laugh at myself and make it all better.  not yesterday.  instead i walked out mortified, with my pride wounded, and feeling like a complete fool.  i knew i wasn’t good before i went, but i didn’t know i was that bad.  lets just say that there was only one time when the ball came towards me and i actually got it over the net.  and then there was that time that the ball hit me square in the face because for some reason i cannot ever figure out how close the ball is going to be towards me.

we walked back to school and she thanked me for coming and wanted to know if i was coming back.  at first i just laughed, but after a few minutes said maybe.  i could give it another shot, try a little harder, and see if improving is a possibility, right?

and hey, i got several sport points for my afternoon yesterday – that counts for something.

everything i was told was wrong.  the city was definitely not completely destroyed during the war and it was on the eastern side of Germany.

i stayed in the strangest flat that made me feel like i had walked into something from the turn of the century (only it was quite warm and the bathrooms were very modern).  the first morning i sat across from the lady while we ate breakfast at the ungodly hour of 6:15 am.  i was served coffee and given no sugar to put in it (it’s more “real” that way though, right?).  conversation was scarce since her english isn’t great and my german doesn’t exist, but we got on as we talked about her family and where i come from.  there was bread and hard boiled eggs (still shelled) for breakfast.  i watched as she took her hard boiled egg and with a quick movement of her butter knife neatly hacked off the top of it.  right after i picked my egg up and tried to do the same.  i guess my egg wasn’t actually a hard boiled egg, but rather a soft boiled egg because instantly the whole shell was cracked and yoke had gone everywhere.  i looked up and smiled as i said, “i guess i’m not very good at that.”

yesterday we sat in Burger King on our way home.  there were a few of us who sat in a corner, eating our fries and telling of first impressions of those here at school.  it was funny and we were all laughing.  one of the workers complained to the director of my school (who was also in charge of the outreach) that she couldn’t even concentrate on her work because of the noise (to be honest, we really weren’t that loud).  he smiled and said, “isn’t it great to have some young dynamic americans here?”

you asked me if i’d want to go.

yeah, i would.  we’d drive nine hours together and at some point you’d make me sit in front of the steering wheel as you sleep.  i’d listen to one of my mix’s and you’d wake up to be surprised at the length of it.  we’d arrive at a hotel hopefully earlier than 3:00 in the morning, but we’d sleep just as hard.  we’d visit starbucks regularly and probably go to the mall at some point.  we’d laugh lots — because you’re so funny and because i’m so silly.  we’d sit with all your friends from that year you spent away and i’d feel rather outside the group because i didn’t experience everything you did, but i’d want to be there because they are part of your world.  there would be laughing and talking and coffee and lots of driving and maybe we’d even pay attention to the football game (but mostly the commercials and half-time show).  i’d spend a weekend with you and that would be the most wonderful thing about it.

so yeah, i’d like to go.  when are we leaving?

- louissa leaves in six hours for one more outreach.  this one takes place in a city that was completely bombed and destroyed during the war and is at the very north end of germany (completely opposite of where she currently resides).  she loves outreach and is looking forward to it.  she’ll also be in another part of germany for five days and that’s always fun.

- everyday louissa remembers something else irreplaceable that was in her luggage that is still missing.  this morning she remembered all the drawings her amazing little brother had sent to her while she was here.  having brought them home because she thought she’d want to leave them there, the night before taking off, she decided that she really wanted them with her so they were slipped into her suitcase.  and now they’re lost.  it makes her more sad than all her clothes and shoes and make up that are missing.

- louissa has gotten into the habit of writing here just for the sake of having a new entry up even when she really has nothing to write (like right now).  she does this to make sure that everyone stays happy and that everyone feels like they know what’s going on while she’s thousands of miles away.  but maybe she’ll stop that soon — it ends up rather boring for the reader.

- louissa is surrounded by snow.  yesterday the temperature dropped drastically and instead of walking in a sweater like usual, she was bundled up in coat, scarf, and with gloves.  by the time she got back to school her thighs and ears were completely numb.  this is something she never thought would happen near the bodensee and is rather disappointed — she was enjoying the warm weather.  christmas is over so snow should be over.

- louissa currently has a very runny nose.  on average she is in need of a tissue every thirty-five minutes.  this makes fifty minute classes very annoying.  the idea of needing to sing for the next five days also sounds very annoying.

- louissa has decided that if she really wants to understand the Bible she needs to learn greek and hebrew.  all these differences because of translating it wouldn’t be there.

- louissa is listening to “dido” right now.  she likes it.  lots.

we sat for two hours and forty-five minutes just so that we could see beyonce and keith urban both sing.  it was by far, the cheesiest tv show i have ever sat through and watched.  after sitting through one show americans would never turn it back on.  i don’t know if that means that we’re just picky people who always need to be entertained or just have standards as to what we allow to be broadcasted on our national television.  i don’t know — but i was bored to tears the whole entire time until i watched beyonce sit there with a german speaking host and look quite confused the whole time and when keith urban came out and played his hit song right now… it was wonderful.

i’ve not watched one football game this season.  today everyone will be watching the colts vs. patriots game.  and i wish so badly i could be there.

oh well.  it’s just a game, right?

excitement here at bodenseehof.

beyonce and keith urban are in town for a popular german tv show.  they are here in friedrichshafen!  it’s insane and amazing and wonderful and we’re all completely geeked about it.  well, we won’t actually see them but we’ll be here at school watching the show knowing that they are just a few kilometers away!

yeah, crazy.

i like days like today.

there is the highest storm warning ever in germany and although the worst of the storm won’t hit us directly, we should have some fun outdoor activity later today.  because of this the two groups going on outreach today didn’t go, no one is going anywhere, the Honeycomb is busy with people reading and a game of Settlers of Catan, and the rest of us are going through our day slowly writing journals, purpose papers, and reading missionary biographies.

it’s a cozy day where one sips their hot chocolate and eats an apple with peanut butter.  it’s the kind of day where i get caught up on the dreaded journals that aren’t difficult but rather annoying.  and it’s that lovely day where one is rather overwhelmed by the goodness of God.

on the way to the airport, one of the last conversations i had with my mumsie and two oldest sisters was about suffering.  yesterday when i went out for dinner to catch up with friends and see how christmas break was for everyone the question was asked that we were discussing: is suffering from the Lord? 

this morning i finished reading the book of Job and this afternoon wrote my journal on it.   Job addresses one simple question that has been asked throughout all of mankinds existence.  this book shows one mans suffering and deals with the question, why?  why did this happen to Job?  why do people suffer?  and why does God allow it to happen?  these questions will continue to be some of the most frequently asked questions and will be some that we might never have answers for. 

maybe i think too simply and maybe i’m not intellectual enough to really understand everything about suffering, but i find that it’s hard for me to grasp the idea that all suffering come from directly from my Father’s hand.  suffering happens, bad things happen to good people, and most of the time it doesn’t make sense to our human mind.  i’ve come to terms with the fact that most of the time i’ll never know why, but what i do know is that He’s good and i can trust Him.

simple, but my answer.

I’ll never let you go
So, never let me go

so apparently i’m technically challenged because no matter how hard i try, i cannot figure out how to blog a video.  i guess it doesn’t help that when i use google it’s all in german and so when i’m having difficulties it’s ten times harder to try to find my way around than when everything is in english.  annoying that this computer knows i’m not in the states anymore.

it’s become tradition to start out every outreach drive listening to keith urban.  luckily for everyone, this past outreach i brough the newest album of his.  i sat in the passat (big bertha and arnie were in front and behind us) and since it was the only cd i brought along with me, it was the only cd we had in that vehicle, and we listened to it for five hours as we drove down there.  the people in the front were sick of it by the time the weekend was over, but don’t worry.  janel and i were still enjoying it on sunday.

julia, i ate a double chocolate magnum bar last week and thought of you the whole time.  even though i was in the north of germany and it was the coldest weather i’ve experienced here so far, i loved every bit of that yummy ice cream bar.

since this is a rather informative entry i’ll let you know that i do not have my luggage yet and as of right now i don’t know what the airline is going to do about it.  i’ll be calling tomorrow to see.

i stole the pastor’s keys thinking they were from my group.

i got stuck in a men’s bathroom stall because of all the men surrounding me.

i was told to be quiet (again) by an older woman who i don’t know.

one pastor forced every kind of disgusting cookie down my throat all because he thought my german was funny. 

he then bought a “Drunken Cake” for me and i don’t think there is another cake as horrible as that one.

our meal on friday night was inspired by me and everyone from bodenseehof hated me for it.  the pastor, with much excitement, prepared sauerkraut with our meal.  i hate sauerkraut and it was for me.

while i was using another restroom one of the guys overheard a german girl come out of the bathroom and complain about the loud americans.  he then stood in the boys bathroom and listened to every word that came out of my mouth.

bottom line: bodenseehof loves me.  german culture and food hates me.

- - -

i went to a party this weekend.  my host family took the three girls who stayed with them out saturday night to where their two boys were playing in a band.  first, we went far too fast driving there (don’t actually ask me how fast) and then the father, who was driving, got a ticket. 

but that’s not really the story.  we pulled up to this place and we walked through this alley with young punks everywhere smoking who knows what and drinking.  we went through this small doorway and started walking down into the basement of an old building.  before we were let in they searched our bags for cigarettes or alcohol and after paying our hands were stamped.  the minute i stepped into the room i knew i was out of place.  the band that was playing was this strange combination of hard rock/punk and they were screaming the whole time.  the young people there looked extremely punk and i stuck out like a sore thumb in my little pea coat and trouser styled jeans.

the strobe light played games with my eyes while i watched the mosh pit happening in the center of the room.  cigarette smoke filled this large old basement and the air was stale.  to top it off, one of the last songs was quite… bush and white house hating and one of the boys i went to see came over (he wasn’t playing anymore) to laugh about it with me and make sure that i wasn’t a bush lover.  i smiled politely and said that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but i personally like my president. 

he then went back and joined the mosh pit.

- - -

she is my favorite.  she just is.  she’d be your favorite too if you knew her.  i told her that i’ll be at her house all summer and she said that’s perfectly fine.  i showed her keith urban and my favorite fergie song and she liked them lots.  she teaches me funny german phrases and makes fun of the way my english sounds.  she’s wonderful.

selfish?  me?  no, never.

distracted?  why would you think such a thing?

prideful?  now we’ve gone too far.

i’m at Bible school.  the place where one is supposed to be meditating on the goodness of God, learning more about Him, and learning what it is to really love others with His love.  funny that i’ve never felt more self-absorbed in my life.

i’m at Bible school.  the place where ones focus is supposed to be perfect — it’s never supposed to waiver.  apparently most who come here feel like these six months are the best of their life.  i’ve never struggled more with distractions and really submitting my desires to Him.

i’m at Bible school.  the place where most become self-righteous and prideful.  the only difference with me is that i came here with my prideful attitude and it hasn’t gone away.  but then again, i think i had a conversation with some right before i came here and pegged the root of this problem to be something else: insecurity.  but that hasn’t changed either.

no, i’m not depressed and i’m not being emo.  at times you suddenly realize different weaknesses you have and what needs some work and that’s me right now.  but that’s okay.  He knows i’m not perfect and i don’t have to try to be for Him.  and i know that He’ll continue to mold and shape me.

i’m outta here for the weekend.  outreach, here we come!