all over

bags are packed and some have left already.

my first semester: over.

today i had to pack my two suitcases, clear off my shelves, and sort through all my papers from these last three months.  i have two boxes in the basement here with huge scrawling handwritten letters that spell my name, “sinclair” on each.  they hold pictures and knick-knacks that will be pulled out again in three weeks and be reset up.  i’ll be moving to a new room and will have new roommates.  my seat will change in the lecture hall and i won’t be the middle of the “cody sandwich” anymore.  i’ll be coming back and will have to adjust to all the changes.

i hate change.

i feel like these last three months have been one huge reality check for me.  i feel like these last three months have proved to show me all the filth that still resides in my heart.  i feel like these last three months have shown me my need for Him.  i feel like these last three months have taught me of my incompetence and need to rely on Him.

after these three months i hate so much about me, i’m so disgusted by what i see, and am so overwhelmed by the love and grace He still shows me.  after these three months i’m amazed at His faithfulness towards me.

i fell asleep last night holding my family picture.  i can’t wait to see them.