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December, 2006

  1. weird

    December 29, 2006 by louissa

    i’m old enough that i come home for christmas. weird.

    i’ve spent the last day pouring over my mumsie’s yearbook looking at 70′s fashion. i found out that what my mom wore as a senior in high school resembles my wardrobe all too closely. weird.

    i’ve watched Devil Wears Prada twice in the last week and a half.  weird.

    i return to Germany in a week. i might be there for eight straight months before coming home again. weird.

    i’ve had a justin timberlake song stuck in my head all day. weird.

    i absolutely hate this entry, but am still writing because i feel horrid that it’s been so long since i wrote. weird.

    - – -

    Edit

    to try to redeem this rather sad and pathetic entry, i’ve stayed up until 1:00 am sorting through and uploading pictures so you can see a bit of what this time of the year is like in this house. weird.


  2. December 23, 2006 by louissa

    there are five extra bodies (actually, six) sleeping here tonight. those from the yellow house down the street decided to stay here for a “sleepover” of sorts. it’s not the kind where you stay up all night giggling about cute sixteen-year-old boys and it’s definitely not the kind where everyone gets facials (although a certain young father joked about that). it’s the kind where we cram around a table and remind ourselves a bit more of “Cheaper By The Dozen”. it’s the kind where the girls are in the kitchen frosting cookies while the boys are doing who knows what after dinner. it’s the kind where we all watch “While You Were Sleeping” and then sit together afterwards. it’s the family kind — the kind i like best.

    this is the first christmas she’ll be away from home. i kissed her goodbye and knew that it would there would be an odd feeling with her missing from our day this year. she’s the oldest — she’s always supposed to be around. who will wake us up this year to tell us when we came get our stockings? it’ll just be strange.

    christmas is coming and i’m getting excited.


  3. my dream

    December 23, 2006 by louissa

    i know what i’m going to do with the rest of my life.  i know, it’s amazing — i’ve finally figured it out!  and i’m so excited.

    i’ll continue living the way i do now.  i’ll keep living off my parents saving account and purchasing things i can’t afford.  i won’t ever think of getting a job and will continue pushing my final return date from germany back further.  when i finally do come back, i’ll live with my parents, eat their food, and drive their car.  i’ll start eating like my brother, he’ll make me work out, and i’ll pick up dance again (someone else will pay for lessons).

    no job, no money, and living off of others.  what more could i want?

    and i know that they’ll just love it.


  4. December 19, 2006 by louissa

    i’m here. i’m home. surrounded by the people dearest to me.

    and for the first time, i don’t really feel like writing. why would i when the people i write for are right here with me?

    i’ll just let you know that i love my home, i love our christmas decorations, i love my tree, i love holding the smallest one in the family, i love hearing the seven-year-old sing usher as he skips around the house, i love putting on my make up and talking to my drummer boy while he sits on the toilet, i love driving to potsdam to go grocery shopping, i love american hot chocolate, i love laughing with my family, i love hugs, i love hearing our princess talk so well, i love having my chubby red-headed boy smile at me (and i love the gap in his two front teeth), i love hearing sisters play piano, i love seeing how everyone has changed, and i love the snow that has come and gone all day.

    i love a lot of things right now. i have a lot of good things. He has blessed me.


  5. shop till you drop

    December 16, 2006 by louissa

    once again i bundled myself up, determined to finish my shopping.  have i told you how much i hate christmas shopping?  i thought i would love it, but after this past week i’ve decided that there is nothing more frustrating and stressful.  i can never find the right thing or it’s too expensive or it’s just not enough.  i’ve never once found something and thought, “everything about this is perfect!”

    there were candles and bowls and mugs and books and cookies and tiny wooden figures and everything you can think of!  there was the smell of glühwein in the air and many had their hot dogs in hand as they also did their last minute christmas shopping.  twinkle lights made the few trees look festive and every one had dried orange pieces hanging off the branches.  they say this is the land of christmas and i think it’s because of their christmas markets.  the workers in the booths sit in the cold, but look quite cozy as they sip the warm drink and wear layer upon layer upon layer.  they sell all sorts of knick-knacks and one shouldn’t have such a hard time finding presents when you’ve got so many options in front of you.

    after spending hours wandering around our own small christmas market and the few stores friedrichshafen has to boast of, i stepped on the bus happy with what i’d purchased.  and then i got back to school and realized that i didn’t have everything i need and there is no time to get it now.

    oh well.  it’s too late to stress out, so i guess i’ll have to make do.


  6. all over

    December 15, 2006 by louissa

    bags are packed and some have left already.

    my first semester: over.

    today i had to pack my two suitcases, clear off my shelves, and sort through all my papers from these last three months.  i have two boxes in the basement here with huge scrawling handwritten letters that spell my name, “sinclair” on each.  they hold pictures and knick-knacks that will be pulled out again in three weeks and be reset up.  i’ll be moving to a new room and will have new roommates.  my seat will change in the lecture hall and i won’t be the middle of the “cody sandwich” anymore.  i’ll be coming back and will have to adjust to all the changes.

    i hate change.

    i feel like these last three months have been one huge reality check for me.  i feel like these last three months have proved to show me all the filth that still resides in my heart.  i feel like these last three months have shown me my need for Him.  i feel like these last three months have taught me of my incompetence and need to rely on Him.

    after these three months i hate so much about me, i’m so disgusted by what i see, and am so overwhelmed by the love and grace He still shows me.  after these three months i’m amazed at His faithfulness towards me.

    i fell asleep last night holding my family picture.  i can’t wait to see them.


  7. little things

    December 14, 2006 by louissa

    most piled into two vans, but a few special ones (like myself) who get rather queasy when it comes to long rides, were put in one of the school vans.  at 8:00 in the morning and even before we were out of the driveway i found myself arguing for joni mitchell as another claimed that the “paved paradise” song is an amy grant song and not joni mitchell.

    i love to be right and i love the feeling of satisfaction when one finally consents to my being right (if someone tells me that that song isn’t even a joni mitchell original then thanks… i just thought i remembered it being on one of her albums).  unfortunately, it’s a horrible way to live and doesn’t help build relationships or win peoples affections.  thankfully i didn’t ruin any friendships yesterday during our joking banter about different artists.  why am i telling you this?  anyway…

    we all met at starbucks where students went out of their mind since they were able to order a drink in english and have the worker understand them.  the music, the smell, the sounds are all so american and i felt a bit like home.  to the delight of a few, sinclair ordered a machiatto.

    i went from booth to booth for three hours and still hadn’t purchased a single gift.  when i got to stuttgart i had the most horrible reality check:  this girl is in a foreign country which enjoys selling very expensive hand-carved wooden decorations and she doesn’t really have any money.  and for the first time i found myself completely annoyed with how slow europeans go about doing everything — including walking through christmas markets.  at the end of the day i had bags filled with small little somethings to bring home. 

    everyone has been singing “White Christmas” and i’ve been so excited since there are only a few christmas days in my past that haven’t been white, but i’ve been told that it’s not as white in the north country as i’ve imagined it’d be.  this is one rather sad disappointed girl.

    two more journals to write, one more assignment to finish, a whole room to pack up and get cleaned, three songs to get ready for tomorrow night, and a few more goodies to buy to bring home, and then i’m done.


  8. games

    December 12, 2006 by louissa

    i’m not sure how it happened, but as we sat around the table, i suddenly found myself the only one talking (that’s not really the surprise) as the rest sat quietly and i told them of my daddy’s two brothers.  i told of their likes — of arms being tickled and shoulders being rubbed and of rewriting rules to the games to better suit oneself.  i told them about how games are played and how fun “Family Feud” can be when playing with my family.  i told them of what they looked like and why i call one of them “pootsie” and i told of the “head” of the sinclair family and all the laughs he brings.

    well, i know why i started talking about it, but i’m not sure why they all sat there so still as i went on and on (i kept talking just about my uncles for a few minutes).  it’s because he was across the table from me and everytime i see him i can’t help but think of my uncle.

    half an hour later we were in the midst of a game of pictionary (boys vs. girls).  suzi suddenly was fighting for rules which aren’t technically part of the game and tim (her husband) yelled, “uncle jimmy, stop!”  and andy continued it by saying, “uncle jimmy, don’t change the rules!”  i couldn’t believe they had actually listened to me ramble on.

    and i felt like maybe i was a bit at home.  it was lovely.


  9. christmas time is here

    December 10, 2006 by louissa

    one more week to enjoy my time here until break.

    (aren’t you glad i put the “enjoy” in?  now you know that i’m not hating it.)

    and then i’m home…


  10. i just feel like talking

    December 8, 2006 by louissa

    Steve said we’ll have between 300-500 people here tomorrow night.  Thomas asked me to sing the solo during the choir song, Mary Did You Know?  i walked Valentina home and it was raining.  Andy said that we should have snow sometime this week, but the rest of us disagree.  Sara thinks i look and sound like Reba.  Alison thinks i make funny faces when i play pianoJillian and i are good friends now and we’re singing a song together tomorrow night.  Jillian left me a snickers bar in my mailbox today and i’m taking her to my aunt judy’s this summer.  when questions are directed towards me in regards to my family, Janel always answers (today Janel started telling someone about our family dinners on tuesdays).  Ashley always tells me about the funny things that i do while on stage.  today while i was shopping for a Christmas present for a somebody in my K-Group, a boy made fun of my laugh, an old woman told me to be quiet, and i hit a complete stranger with a roll of wrapping paper because i thought it was Janel.  today i decided that i’ve never been more loud, talkative, or obnoxious than here at bodenseehof.

    but we always have a jolly time.  nice, eh?