louissa sinclair

11:30 p.m.

i’m packed. yes, all packed. skirts are ironed (okay, okay. the striped pj’s are ironed as well.), clothing is in the suitcase, and toiletries are all ready to go tomorrow morning. i don’t think i’ve ever packed this much for three days. four pair of shoes/flip-flops seem a bit excessive, but matching shoes are rather fun.

i fell earlier today. i guess my “sinclair klutz” genes came out as i walked on the sidewalk beside my brother. one minute i was on two feet and the next second i was down on all fours, laughing and crying out in pain, my brother saying, “wease! are you okay?”, and the lady walking by looking at me funny. my knee, foot, and big toe nail are a bit scuffed because of the whole thing. lovely.

i graduate in a week. that makes me feel weird. and that doesn’t make me very excited. i’m supposed to prepare a speech. a speech that at the end everyone says what they’ll be doing next. only problem is, i’m not really doing much. and once again, i’m more concerned about what others will think of me than i should. i feel confident that this is what i should be doing, but it doesn’t sound very impressive when you say you’ll be working the first year out of high school. oh well.

i leave for nyc tomorrow. i’ll be there for a few days. adios.

perhaps i’m abusing the fact that many people come here and will, because of this, start losing readers. oh well.

here’s the info:

no julia’s thang tomorrow night. yup, cancelled twice in a row. and probably cancelled next week since that’s CFA’s graduation.

but abby and natalie are performing tomorrow night. it’ll be abby’s last stardust concert. maybe i’ll try to go and see her.

11:40 p.m.

i’m back from my favorite place, P&C. the bags of food are put away and i’m home safe and sound. when my mumsie asked me to go she asked, “how bushed are you?” i thought about being honest and telling her that i don’t think i’ve ever been more exhausted and worn out (i will be so happy after graduation is over and i don’t have anymore senior trip and dinner planning to do and after i’m in a plane off to Spain). but instead i told her you’re only young once and this was the time to ask me to make runs to potsdam 10:15 at night.

and really, the drive was lovely. keith, shania, and duncan kept me company and although i would have preferred the moon to be out, he did follow me, peeking out now-n-then as i made my way along 345.

as i pulled up to an intersection i saw a sign for route 56. i remembered the time we went bowling and afterwards i was going to go back to potsdam with a friend who i found so entirely cool since she was so much older than me and had just gotten her own car. only problem was, we were in massena and she didn’t know how to get back from there. he laughed at her and turned to fifteen-year-old me and said, “you’re going with her, right? you know how to get to potsdam from here.” i then had to admit to him (oh, it was hard) that i couldn’t confidently direct her back to potsdam.

i just have to ask, what was i doing bowling with all of them anyways? they were all so “above” me, being four years older than me and in entirely different stages of life than i was in at that point. why did they invite me to do so many things with them when i was definitely the odd one in the bunch? who knows. all i know is that i was invited and welcomed and felt so wonderful because of that.

this rambling has been good. i didn’t intend to write any of this, but it’s probably better since everything else would have brought out a “Juliet alert! Juliet alert!” comment. and that’s because i’ve been thinking of rocking chairs on a porch. real ice tea after working out in a vegetable garden. walks through fields and along creeks. hanging the clothes on the line and letting the sun work it’s magic. eating angel food cake made by moi (because i’ve always wanted to) and hearing the praise that would follow…

i’m such a girl.

it was one of those wonderful evenings that you love so much. but i don’t have the energy to write anything well (or at least try) and even though my brother-in-law’s camera has many pictures on it as well as my daddy’s, for now, i’ll just steal this one. mrs.story, this is my dress.

and now, i must return to trying to take notes for a paper that must be written and pretty soon an afternoon walk with a very cute pregnant sister.

annoying…

my server being down and just being able to get to my site after a few hours.
putting on my sweet jeans last night and then having to change.
taking the time to actually put make-up on tonight, only to realize that i’ll not be going out.
once again realizing that i don’t want anything to do with muslims. i’d rather be a singer. but that would mean i’d need a voice really really good.
this cold and dreary weather.
being so tired and emotionally worn that all of the above annoys me.

lovely…

having salmon for dinner that distracted my mind from the server issues.
wearing my new sweet jeans today.
finally looking decent after a day of no make-up… even if it is just to sit in my family room for the next few hours.
knowing that the Lord will work everything out — muslims and that super voice i need.
the hot humid days we had at the beginning of this week (loved it).
knowing i have a wonderful bed to welcome me whenever i need it.

our julsie-re is home from california. she’s sitting in the front room right now picking her jazz tunes on her faithful classical guitar while my parents sit on their bed googling another competition that’s in montreal. life is never dull. i do believe she might be a tad bummed she didn’t make the top five so i think we’ll take her with us to Seven Springs to look for a certain license that was left there after our adventure last sunday. i always find that spending some quality time with our neighbor caterpillars definitely lifts ones spirit — and where is there a better place to visit with them than Seven Springs?

- - - - - - - - - -

i am here today as someone who has seen the love my Father has for me and can do nothing else in response, but say that my life is His and i will do what He calls me too. how could you not after you’ve been a witness to the Saving Grace He longs to give you?

He is my Merciful Savior and i am His. though He may ask me to give things that i love so dearly up, i have purposed to do so. after all, nothing is more dear to me then He Himself. how i love Him. and how my heart longs to be more like Him.

and that’s it. i know that my heart is for Him and that i want to start each day with a longing of becoming more like Him. and i simply cannot imagine life without Him.

My Jesus, I love Thee, I know Thou art mine;
For Thee all the follies of sin I resign.
My gracious Redeemer, my Savior art Thou;
If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.

- - - - - - - - - -

i love to suddenly remember old pictures i have of him.

i spent the evening in a nursery i wasn’t familiar with, at a church i was at… well, a few years ago, and surrounded by little faces i didn’t recognize. that’s right. i was a nursery worker.

there were four of us — four of us from my church and two little girl helpers from the church we were at. soon into the evening i had the most darling little girl with curly blonde hair permanently attached to me (actually, by the end she was able to move around the room without me holding her). there were a few animals that we played with and i showed her the different sound they make (you should hear my pig sound). in the mix of farm animals there were a few dinosaurs. i picked up one with a wide mouth that resembed a ducks. i placed it in front of the girl (oh, the mother of this girl grew up going to my church so i felt a little more at ease) and said as i played with it, “this is where the duck came from. you know, this is what the duck evolved from.” i glanced up to see the two little helpers, who i still don’t know names for, staring at me. i quickly said to the 21-month-old who can’t really talk, “well, you know. evolution really isn’t real.” i felt totally cool.

i have a hot date tomorrow. that’s right, you read that correctly. and now i have all your heads buzzing wondering who Louissa Sinclair could be going out with, right? oh, man. i know you so well. i’m going to be nice and tell you because i love you so very much. i’m going out with… her. ha. gotcha. and it’s not actually a date. i have to go to watertown to meet up with my parents and julia and bring them the rest of the way home, she offered to come along with me, and you know how i can’t refuse a pretty face.

anyway. this is all just a bunch of fluff. sorry.

as i flipped the chocolate chip pancakes (i spoil my kiddies when i’m in charge) she came in and said, “this is me being bored by your web-log.” for those of you who need a translation, that means, “i can’t believe you’ve not really written in a bit. talk about boring your readers.”

sorry. prepare yourself to be bored a bit more. this won’t even mean much to some of you.

ALL FRIDAY NIGHT PRAYER MEETING ATTENDERS!!

due to two things, julia will be cancelling the meeting tomorrow night. NTC’s 25th anniversary is this year and they are having special meetings tonight and tomorrow night. CFC wants to support them and make these meetings a big deal. julia will also be flying a red-eye flight and will be pulling into madrid sometime in the afternoon. yeah, talk about exhaustion.

alrighty. more “louissa bears her soul” will be coming soon.