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June, 2006

  1. later

    June 27, 2006 by louissa

    while my daddy fixes the sneaker that is spankin’ new, but was brought home a bit beat up already, i sit here just because i always write right before i go anywhere.  two pieces of luggage sit in the hall filled to the brim with fleece sleeping bags that roll up real tiny (but aren’t great for camping in september), shoes, granola bars, shirts, pants, and peanut butter.  i’ve got my passport and money and i think i’m ready to go.  well, as ready as i ever will be.

    i was thinking about my trip today.  thinking about how excited i am to be going (and how sick you are of hearing about it), thinking how long three weeks sounds right now, thinking of how three weeks flew by last year, and thinking about how much has changed in the past year.  i feel so different and i know i’m in a different place.

    i leave in about nine hours.  don’t worry, you can’t get rid of me that easily.  i’m sure, like last year, i’ll manage to find a computer and some free time to let you know what’s going on over in Spain.  how cool.

    good night and see you around in a few weeks.

  2. getting ready

    June 25, 2006 by louissa

    i shouldn’t be here. if i was a smart girl i would be upstairs in bed. and if i was even smarter i would have gone up a few minutes early to pick up some of the clutter that has gathered even though my room was perfectly tidy just a few days ago. but it does look like i’ve chosen to be the silly foolish girl who stays up past what should be her bedtime.

    i wanted to write something.

    i leave for Spain in a few days. someone will drive us down to the airport (and i will be all too aware of the fact that it’s a different driver from last year), i’ll get on a plane with a few others, and we’ll be off for three weeks.

    it sounds overwhelming right now. i feel empty and like i don’t have much to offer. i feel like no matter how much i think and pray about this trip i still am unprepared. i guess that’s actually a good place to be. our leader talked about how we are to rely on God through this whole trip and inwardly i laughed. my leader, who happens to be my brother-in-law, had no idea that i had been thinking the same thing. right now, if He deems me worthy enough to use, then His strength will definitely show because i don’t think i’ve ever felt this weak. my Lord is going to have to be there for me, to fill me afresh with His Spirit, because i’ve never needed Him more.

    and how i love Him. i whispered a prayer of help tonight while we sat around in a circle worshipping. my heart cried out for Him to be my Shepherd and guide me through this and i know that He will answer. i know that He knows what i’m feeling (and could probably express them better than i can) and i know that He cares enough about what i’m feeling to do something for me. and how undeserving i am! yes, i love Him.

    look.  she has me on her list.

  3. working girl

    June 23, 2006 by louissa

    sometimes i want to drop it all.  stop the blog and the stumbling over words, sell the camera (who ever thought that i could get the thing to focus anyway?), forget trying to make cards on my own, and start washing dishes.  i think i can handle that.  that at least doesn’t involve any creative talent.

    not that i don’t have any talents.  that’s not what i’m saying at all.  you don’t have to leave a dozen comments letting me know what a beautiful smile i have (although i never understood that one since it’s not technically a “talent”) and what a gifted wonderful young lady i’ve grown up to be because i know that the Lord didn’t forget to give me something.

    anyway.  my brother got me hooked on checking in on her every now and then and realizing every now and then that i should probably give up.  Working Girl has been in France for a month now and lives with a french family.  she takes pictures and paints pictures with her words the way that i’ve always wanted to do.

    just go to her.  look a little.  read a little.  i know you’ll love her.

  4. photograph

    June 23, 2006 by louissa

    i remember walking to church holding her hand and feeling the warmth of the sun on my back. i hated it that day. the sun should never shine on the day of a funeral.
    we drove back to church, the sun was still out, and a certain song started to play on the radio.

    Look at this photograph
    Every time I do it makes me laugh

    Every memory of looking out that back door
    I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
    It’s hard to say it,
    time to say it
    Goodbye goodbye

    Every memory of walking out the front door
    I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
    It’s time to say it,
    time to say it
    Goodbye goodbye


    i’m so glad he was in Fiddler. he had always complained about how my mom started doing musical after he graduated. the few rehearsals he came to, i remember him sitting with me and talking when we weren’t suppose to. i remember trying to figure out what to put on the back of my t-shirt and going with his original idea, Legally Blonde.

    it’s hard to think that it’s almost been ten months.

    i miss you, chris.

  5. only in massena

    June 22, 2006 by louissa

    yesterday i went shopping for my upcoming trip to Spain. at the end of our time in the big massena mall i decided to splurge and buy a pair of footless tights. unfortunately the only place that sells them in the north country is Express. now i don’t have anything against that store but i don’t care to go in it all that often since it’s usually overpriced and i feel like the biggest frump every time i’m in there.

    you see, i’m not really the Express kind of girl. i’m not tanned and i’m not doing anything to remedy that since i’m fine with my pale complexion. my hair isn’t shoulder-length, flat ironed, and every color under the sun. make-up? well, i do wear some but i don’t plaster my face with it and Lord only knows i had hardly any on yesterday. and i wear sweaters with flower buttons which everyone i know thinks is just darling, but it doesn’t really go with the city chic thing they have going on.

    i walked in yesterday and found myself the only customer in the room with three Express workers watching my every move since they didn’t have anything better to do. i got my footless tights and went up to pay for them. the casheir looked at me, smiled her fake beautiful smile showing her straight and bleached white teeth, and said, “now you do plan on wearing these with a short skirt, right? because that’s what they’re for.” now i know i didn’t look super trendy yesterday but i’m not that out of it when it comes to fashion and i found her question rather rude. but because louissa can never be rude back, i smiled myself and told her that i would be doing just that.

    then on the way home we had to get gas. lets just say i went into the store twice before i was able to get the pump to work properly for me. all because i didn’t know i had to lift up a little black lever. that was fun.

  6. more photos

    June 20, 2006 by louissa

    i’ve uploaded some pictures. some are from the class dinner and some are from this past saturday. my camera was passed around on saturday so i tried to tell you who took what picture… correct me if i’m wrong on one.

  7. new camera=new pictures

    June 19, 2006 by louissa

    we look rather “pasted in”.

    abby, the ghost.

    oh yes. jamie and the girls.

    lovely people that i love to eat ice cream with.

    glowy picture on the street of madrid.

    showing our big eyes and my strange neck.

    a friendly kiss, right abby?

    oh, yeah. i got a digital camera for a graduation present. so instead of getting a “real” post, you’ll be getting just pictures tonight! after all, i have to get up at some point tomorrow.

  8. graduation

    June 16, 2006 by louissa

    the command has been given and i’m here to fulfill my duties.  it’s late, i’m tired, and i just graduated from high school.  i feel too young and too unprepared to be able to write such things, but it’s true.  high school is done and over for me.

    i will probably write more later, but i wanted to let you know that i feel very blessed right now.  the Lord has been so good to me.

    not to mention how good my family is to me.  the presents came and i feel quite spoiled.

    i have a busy day tomorrow.  so i’ll be getting off to bed.

    i just wanted to let you know that it happened.  Louissa Elaine Sinclair, graduate of Christian Fellowship Academy, Class of 2006.

  9. night post

    June 15, 2006 by louissa

    there are some days that i feel a bit like a failure. well, not a complete failure. it’s just me seeing areas that i’ve failed in and being quite annoyed with myself. it’s me seeing how irresponsible i am at times and feeling like giving up. but i won’t. my very good parents, who i need to thank for this tomorrow night, won’t let any of us just give up. if you’ve fallen you’ve got to get over your fears and try again.

    rather like this quote.

    i’m in my comfortable clothes — or as some might call them, my bum clothes. the sweats that are too big and too short, a hoodie, and barefeet. i have my baggie full of chocolate covered espresso beans and a tea cup full of milk by my side. if i ever do live by myself, i think it would be a very scary thing.

    these espresso beans aren’t doing the trick though and my brain has stopped functioning. all my thanks have started sounding a bit too rambling-ish and i figure i need to stop for now.

    i rather like the word, howdy. it’s totally super cool.

    skirts or capris?

  10. silly nonsense about my life… and nyc

    June 14, 2006 by louissa

    as i walked into the house last night, i felt like i had been gone for so long. i can only imagine how long Spain will feel.

    oh, did you not know? yes, i’ll be flying to Spain in a few weeks. i’ll be making the same exact drive i just took (only to an aiport), hopping onto a plane, and will be there for three weeks. it’ll be crazy and i’m excited.

    my younger brother has been playing American Idol with his stuffed animals this morning. and it has been going on all morning. i love it.

    but anyway. here i be, in my blue chair with my blue blanket wrapped around me, and i’m writing in this even though i should be putting a program together for tomorrow nights recital. pictures are scattered across the kitchen table, but the need for developing some more has put a stop to my efforts of putting a collage together. who i should thank, how i should thank them, and how i’m supposed to start my speech is running through my head. i keep thinking of drama’s i’m to have learned very soon and an exhortation i’m to prepare. i have a suitcase to unpack and this sick stomach feeling isn’t leaving me very quickly.

    this morning my sister asked why the summer is never relaxing. we always picture the days filled with garden work, dinners on the porch, and movies in the evening. i think of strolls along the park, with ice cream in hand, and time well spent with those i love. i imagine time to bask in the warmth of the sun (okay, or just imagine the sun warming us at all) and afternoons at the beach. but enough of all that nonsense. i guess we’re growing up and have realized that the whole entire summer isn’t for that. you go on vacation to get that. amazing, isn’t it?

    i’m guessing that i’m technically supposed to write something about nyc, right? okay, here it is:

    1. i’ve come to this conclusion: women in cities don’t know what size they are. apparently they go into a store, grap the size jeans they wore when they were twelve, walk out with them, and somehow squeeze their way into them without a thought about the fact that when putting clothing on, it shouldn’t be that difficult.

    2. disclaimer: i’m joking. don’t get offended. starbucks is scam. they charge too much for making people believe that they actually like coffee when in reality, they don’t. they can’t stand the warm dark liquid that i drink every morning but they just love grande caramel macchiato’s which have 1% coffee in them. sure, that stuff is good if you want a dessert to drink, but don’t keep ordering that and trying to convince me that you like coffee. that’s not coffee. that’s a coffee fluff drink.

    3. want to sound good singing? hang out in a subway station around one ‘o clock in the morning waiting for a train that will never come and start singing. you not only relieve yourself of the boredom that had claimed you, but you sound the best you ever will at that hour.

    4. a few of us showed an amazing amount of patience as we waited for celebrities to come out of the Tony Awards. and we were rewarded for all our waiting. near the end of our standing there, Oprah came out and i yelled, “we love you Oprah!” okay, so it was a slight exaggeration, but you would have said that same thing. it’s amazing to see what comes out of your mouth when you’re so near someone famous.

    5. i love cities and the energy they hold. i love small town and the charm that comes with them. i love mountains with rivers and the greeness that they bring to my life. but i don’t love any of them as much as i love the sea. nothing is as peafeful and completely wonderful to me as the sound and the sight of the ocean.

    6. beach volleyball is the only way to go. after three games i figured out that during volleys, i had actually only come in contact with the ball three times at the most. now that’s the way to do it.

    7. a city is a city and a sewer is a sewer. there is no way to have that many people in that small of a vicinity and not have a stink that’s unbearable in some areas. but it amazes me that the smell of nyc is the same as smells in the cities of kazakhstan and spain. there is no way to hide certain things.

    8. they shot fire through the stage, people literally disappeared before our eyes, and two people would exit one side of the stage and a second later be entering on the opposite side. theatre amazes me. go and see something. it’ll be worth it.

    9. i love history and that’s why i love the Metropolitan Museum of Art. i plan on going again at some point and taking all day if need be to study everything that i love.

    10. if you’re still reading this then you’re amazing and i owe you a lot of love.

    black or red nail polish?