i know a lot about this Christianity thing that i’m trying to live. and one thing i know is that knowing is very different than doing.

last night i finally did something i should have been doing for sometime now. i shared part of my testimony; i shared what the Lord has done in my life; i shared where i’ve been in the past and where i am today; i shared what i’ve been freed from. and oh! how fooish i felt, standing in that crowd of people, finally opening up, crying, and somehow trying to follow through with what i felt the Holy Spirit was telling me to do. i finished, they clapped and praised the Lord for what He’d done in my life, and i still felt incredibly dumb.

after all, i am Louissa Sinclair. i have everything together in my life, nothing is ever wrong, and i never struggle. well, at least that’s how some people see me. a girl i’ve grown up with came up to me afterwards and was able to talk to me about what the Lord was doing in her heart. why, after knowing each other for eighteen years, did this finally happen? because i had been honest and as she said, “i was like, ‘oh my goodness! louissa struggles too…’ i felt like i suddenly had a connection with you.” another girl asked me to pray for her. as i had shared my testimony she realized that i had gone through the same thing she’s going through.

needless to say, i’m confident it was the Lord. i’m far too prideful to voluntarily humble myself in front of others and really share my story. i knew that it would be difficult and i knew that there would be tears — and i don’t like that at all. but as i stood there last night i knew that i had to do it and so i did. apparently, it wasn’t in vain. and i’m very thankful for that.

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i took a walk today. as i walked on North Street, i passed a lady working on her yard. from behind me i heard a gasp and the lady cried out to me, “are you the one who sang at my church?” i told her i was. she then said, “what happened to your hair?!” she assured me that she liked my “new cut” but loved my long hair.

goodness. she saw me for a total of 45 minutes that one sunday! i’ve decided that people get altogether too attached to hair far too quickly.

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sorry for all the confusion i’ve brought concerning my subscription list. i decided to humor my friend for at least the next few days by organizing my subscriptions to his liking. i know, i’m such a nice person. and i did this after he harrassed me about “hacking” my hair off and then he went and posted a ridiculous entry on my xanga.

again, goodness.