about my previous entry… i’m sorry if it came across as me having a bit of a pitty party. i did not mean for that at all. i will try to be clearer from now on.

oh, and you have to look at these two photos. the sinclair family back in the day.

my sister might see randy, paula, and simon this tuesday. how crazy is that?

I wonder if I take you home
Would you still be in love, baby…

i’ve only written one song ever. compared to my sister who has a cd out or my other sister with a demo out, traveling to nyc to play at open mic spots, and playing at the small-town coffee shop in potsdam on a regular basis, having written one song isn’t all that great. it’s actually quite pathetic, since i haven’t really written anything. it’s not at all arranged and i don’t plan on doing so. it’s simply some chords and words i have memorized that i pull out every now and then and happen to play on the piano.

actually, if you looked at it with a musician’s eye, it’s probably a horrible song. i am not a great writer. i am not a great musician. my song is really dumb.

and yet i’m rather proud of my very simple song. it tells me not to get distracted. it reminds me of what happened last time i did… and i don’t want to go down that path again. it reminds me of where i was, what the Lord did for me, and where i am now. so i’ll sing my song, rejoice in the Lord’s goodness, and be content with the fact that i’m never going to be a great song writer. i’ll leave that to my sister’s — the Lord has called them to that. i’ll simply do my own thing.

some people know what’s goin’ on.

yup, this is my family.

and pictures from this past weekend.

what am i spinning? nickel creek’s newest album. it’s the best ever.

———-

Helena, don’t walk away
Before you give me back my heart
If it were mine, it would be yours to take
I’m sorry I’ve let down my guard, oh Helena

You looked so sweet
I should have seen
While I was playing for fun
You were playing for keeps

You win, I lose, is there some way
You can leave me in your debt
So my girl and I can live to die another day
On that day I won’t forget you, Helena

Helena, don’t walk away
Did you hear one word I said
Oh well, I never really liked her anyway
And I forgot her, I’ll forget you, Helena

I don’t need your sympathy
Cause I’ll always be just fine

Yeah, I’ll always be just fine
Yeah, I’ll always be just fine

- it was so cold friday night that we didn’t get to sleep until after 3:30. we did everything we could think of to amuse ourselves and distract us from the cold. we ate snacks, we had snoring contests (i don’t think i should be proud that i won), talked about The Sound of Music, the chaperones had me sing to them, and went to the bathroom five times.

- he talked about how we have power over sin. “Your word I have hidden in my heart, That I might not sin against You.” Psalm 119:11. i like that.

- there are some things that i’m just not very good at. running fast is one of them. so i don’t know why i play games like capture the flag and elbow tag. i don’t do any good. but i do have one word of advice for people like me. if your going to be stuck in jail, make sure you’re with people that you’ll have fun talking to (janet young is a must) — it makes the time go by faster.

- all of the little girls came for the first time and i brought them down to the beach on saturday. they teased me, told outrageous stories, and threatened to throw me in the water. yup, i definately had my favorite girls.

- our God is an awesome God.

- it’s amazing how you can go from a high so quickly down to a low just as fast. i had finished praying for my sister, watched as she along with so many of my favorite girls were baptized in the Holy Spirit, was feeling amazed at how much Jesus loves us, and was writing it all down when my dad came and sat down next to me, only to tell me that one of our college students had drowned that day. i still don’t know what to say.

- – - – -

the volleyball net is still set up, the blankets are still on the ground, and the kitchen still has spaghetti sauce splattered on it. after last sunday, our menu consisted of hamburgers, hot dogs, and salad for the rest of the week. this week it will be pasta and red sauce. but it’s the last of those dinners. rather sad. i was getting used to having the house full every sunday. what will i do now?

my mom left this morning. we all had lessons in potsdam. miscommunication happened and i ended up waiting for my lesson, never having it, and sleeping while everyone else did. we then bought the needed violin book at northern, came home, i started teaching, and the rest started the year with fresh school books. and i already miss my mom.

i’m getting old. my brother recently told me that i’ve gotten taller within the last few years. i laughed and told him that i’ve been this tall ever since i was fourteen. he figured it was just that i was getting old. i had several old moments this past weekend. and i disliked every single one of them.

agassi lost.

i love you to the moon and back…

wanna walk with me? here’s what i see.

up the cemetery drive.

the tree that i sit at.

yup, nice and fresh.

sometimes i can see the adirondacks.

the opposite way and i see my fields.

i love it.

the different colors.

the sun through it all.

the funny signs.

i like the color green.

and our big sky.

and then i stop by and see them.

and their apartment.

and then i go home. and that’s when it ends.

and for a dear friend. this is what being chocolate is all about:

You have a flair for the dramatic and love to party.
Your personality is super strong and unique.
Many people crave you constantly – while you turn a few off.
You are most compatible with coffee ice cream.

; )

follow the links.

now go.

and also, the man won last night.

i’ve always been a early afternoon/evening walker. i would never be a early morning walker, and who in their right mind walks mid-morning? well, that’s how i used to think. by 11:00 this morning, i was already in need of my walk. it was perfect. everyone was at work and all the kids were at school. perfect for me to sit at my favorite tree in the old cemetery and talk to God.

see, today has been challenging. it’s like the Lord decided that today would be a good day for me to learn a few things. He challenged my trust in Him mostly. i think i was just as curious as Him to see how i’d fare through it all. it’s this darn piano’s fault. it’s got my world upside down and i just want to right it. it has me thinking of money (or my lack of it), being in debt, and what i might choose to do in the future (what i choose decides if i purchase a piano or not). so i thought i had figured it out.

and then i went to missions night. and the Lord said, “what if?” and i said, “no.” and He said, “would you?” and i said, “maybe. but i’d rather not.” and He said, “do you trust Me?” and i said, “yes.” and He said, “okay. we’ll see what happens.” and i didn’t like that at all.

i just want to know what to do.

tonight was not the night to make fun of louissa. neither was sunday. i’m too tired to laugh along while people make me look stupid. just wait until i’m not exhausted.

on a lighter note. my family has finally found a sport they can play (a sport that they can play, but i can’t. oh well. someday.). it’s tennis. the US Open is going on. the tv has been on all afternoon and evening whenever someone has been home for the past few days. it’s rather fun. we play tennis, we understand tennis, and we enjoy watching tennis.

my sister and brother just walked in the door. i love them so much.

“tina, ya fat lard! come here!”

isn’t she purty?

you can tell i am a large part sanguine. my previous post was written 5:00 this evening when i was all down. an hour later i was in front of our grill, loving the smell of it, looking around at our yard, and loving my life. a few hours later, with my polka-dot pajama pants, my faithful hoodie, a bowl of ice cream, my old bible (i left my newer one at church this past sunday) and notebook, i loved my life even more, as i spent an evening out on our porch that i love so much.

really louissa. isn’t there something about learning to control your emotions — not letting your emotions control you?